Love Is...

Written by a Mother

Ten years have passed since we learned that our son was gay. Steven, a junior in college, refused help because he had become involved in a gay-affirming support group at school. He was convinced that he was born gay and that he could never change. He did, however, state that he planned to remain celibate. That all changed four years ago.

We had traveled to visit our son as we had on several occasions. He told us that he had met someone, Jeff, and soon they would move in together. He said that they were going to be a family. We affirmed to him that there was nothing he could ever do to cause us not to love him, but that we could not be supportive of his relationship. Our son has been home only once to visit since then. He has called to ask if he could come to visit and bring his partner. We made it clear that he was always welcome, but that he could not bring his partner. He asked me, “Why do you hate Jeff?” That hit me between the eyes. I replied, “Son, I don’t hate Jeff. I have never met him, and I don’t know him. You know me, and you know my heart. I could never hate anyone.”

Last summer, we attended an Exodus International Conference. Each afternoon, special sessions were held for parents. The volunteer leader for the parents’ sessions made a statement one afternoon that the Lord knew I needed to hear. She said, “If my child brings your son or daughter home to visit me, I’m going to love your son or daughter. What are you going to do when your son or daughter brings my child into your home?” Our son had not been home for Christmas in four years. He spends Christmas with Jeff’s family, who embrace and accept homosexuality. This year, four days before Christmas, Steven called to say they were going to be traveling to visit Jeff’s family. Since they would be passing by (within two miles) on their way, he wanted to know if they could stop to leave our Christmas presents. We agreed. I invited them to eat dinner with us. As I prepared for their visit, I prayed for the Lord to prepare our hearts and minds.

Steven called to say that they had gotten a much later start than they anticipated. They would probably be stopping by around 9 P.M. He asked if I would call a local motel and make reservations for them. When he asked, it was if the Lord asked me, “Is there room in the inn?” After my husband and I talked, we decided that we would invite them to spend the night, but they would have to stay in separate bedrooms. When they arrived, we met his partner Jeff who was much braver than I could have been under the circumstances. He was very polite, warm, friendly, and intelligent. Actually, he was exactly the kind of person I would expect my son to admire. When we sat down to dinner, my husband offered thanks for our food and asked the Lord to allow Jeff to feel welcome in our home. I could feel a peace settle over us all as my husband prayed.

We enjoyed a pleasant dinner. Afterward, Steven wanted us to open our Christmas presents. Not expecting to see our son at Christmas, we had mailed his Christmas presents to him early as we had for the past three years. Some gifts were in a larger box with a smaller box marked “Do not open until Christmas”. One of his gifts that we had sent in the larger box was a heavy wrap/throw blanket. Our son had brought the smaller box with him and he opened it as my husband and I opened our gifts from him. I was feeling awkward because I had not even thought about a gift for our son’s partner. Jeff remarked that he had told our son that they would probably fight over who got to use the wrap/throw blanket. Then I remembered that I had also bought a wrap/throw blanket, wrapped it (I had not put a name tag on it.), and put it under the tree for my husband. My heart was overjoyed when I realized the Lord had provided. When I handed our son’s partner the gift, I sensed his heart melting.

As they prepared to leave the next morning, I hugged my son. When I turned around, his partner’s arms were outstretched toward me. I genuinely embraced this precious soul with the love of Jesus. After my husband hugged our son, he also embraced our son’s partner with the same love. After they left, our son called to say how very much he appreciated everything we did. In his words, “That made my Christmas.” And I thanked the Lord for my Christmas present-my son’s visit.

For those who have not walked in our shoes, you cannot imagine what a giant step this was for my husband and me. We are still going through a storm; but at least, maybe we are in the eye of the storm now. God has taught us so very, very much in the past ten years-especially during this last year where we have been in a support group for families of homosexuals and those struggling with unwanted same sex attractions. The support of this group of wonderful people along with our love for and faith in Christ has enabled us to reach out in love in a way we never could have imagined.

We cannot change our son, but we can continue to love him unconditionally. We can rest in the knowledge that God loves him even more than we do, and we can trust Him with our son. After all he is His son too.