Change is an unavoidable and necessary part of life. Sometimes it may involve the smallest adjustment in our day and other times it might involve a radical transformation. Some people like change and others will do everything in their power to avoid it (and often these two types are married to each other). As it relates to sexual orientation, the term “change” has often been a point of confusion. But does it have to be? Is the problem that there are those who insist that change be defined as an absolute and unconditional concept? I believe so. The question we must ask is,
“For change to be authentic, must it be absolute?”
Our current culture has become very ambiguous when it talks about sexual orientation. Is it fixed or fluid? It depends on whom you ask. One cultural icon claims that we are “Born This Way”. But another celebrity announces they have left their same-sex partner to enter into a heterosexual marriage. Those who are challenged by this revelation will scurry to clarify that the person was actually bi-sexual all along. Yet, the concept of change is never acknowledged. When it comes to sexual orientation, our culture can perceive “change” as a betrayal or rejection of who they believe we truly are.
Change is the act of making or becoming different. People change in various ways every day. However, we must know those changes may not be absolute or complete. Does this mean they haven’t changed? Of course not. We recognize and applaud the incremental stages of transformation in people’s lives and understand that some changes may never be fully realized this side of heaven. I may recognize that I need to change when it comes to pride in my life and that will be a process. However, I know I will never fully eradicate pride in this lifetime. Am I still defined as a prideful man or am I a man who wrestles with pride realizing that I must depend on God’s grace each day to walk in humility? After years of allowing the Lord to transform my heart and learn newer levels of humility, am I to discount God’s work in my life simply because pride rears it’s ugly head from time to time? God forbid.
When we claim that God has done a transformational work in our lives regarding homosexuality, this does not necessarily mean the elimination or even the diminishing of same-sex attractions. If sexual orientation is the dominant direction of sexual attractions, can that “dominant” direction change? For some people, yes. For others, this may not be the case; they may still have varying degrees of same-sex attraction. But does this mean they haven’t experienced change? If you answer yes, then I wonder if change is possible in any area of life.
When we truly surrender our lives to Christ, it is impossible for us not to be transformed. But this transformation must be of His design and not based on our desire. God sets the priority in determining where and when He will work in each area of our lives and we must allow Him to work according to His purpose. Transformation encompasses the whole person and not just a component and it will ultimately affect our:
Identity – Christ renews our minds to embrace His identity and leave behind our gay identity. I am not a gay Christian, a gay celibate Christian, an ex-gay, or a former homosexual. I am a Christian. Solely identified with Christ and nothing else. God has changed my perspective and I now know who I am. I am my Father’s son.
Maturity – God has changed the areas of emotional wounding and false perceptions of others and myself. The toxic lens which I viewed life and relationships has been radically altered and I now have the capacity to see these things in the light of Christ. I am no longer consistently ruled by my emotions or imprisoned in relentless navel-gazing. God has changed me and is continuing to change my mind and emotions so that I can be used for His purpose.
Spiritual Walk – My relationship with Christ is no longer conditional on His meeting my needs and wants. I ultimately made a choice to follow Him and be obedient to His word “even if” He never took away my same-sex desires. My relationship with Christ, which was based on countless years of bargaining with Him about my sexuality, has now changed into a relationship in which I can find contentment and rest. His grace now enables me to walk in obedience to His commands.
There is one other type of absolutism that should be mentioned. There are believers who would say there should not be a “struggle” when it comes to our sexuality. To acknowledge this would seemingly dilute the power of Christ in a person’s life. To that I would simply ask, “How does that philosophy apply in other areas of life?” God is just as concerned about gossip and bearing false witness. How many of us still battle with wanting to share a “prayer concern” about a co-worker with some of our colleagues? Every day presents some temptation with which we must contend.
Is change possible? Yes! Is it perfect? Not on this side of heaven. While various behaviors may change on the surface, this is not the core of change. Change happens when Christ transforms our hearts so that we can become more like him. These other traits are simply reflections of what is transpiring within. Has God changed my sexuality? Yes, but it is not perfect or absolute. I don’t believe any man can claim perfection in this area. But God has changed me and shown me that his change involves every aspect of who I am. And in that sense, His change has been absolute.
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