Bi-sexuality — Exodus International

Study Shows Gay, Bisexual Teens More Prone to Risky Behavior

June 22, 2011 by Jeff Buchanan

The CDC has just released a new study showing that gay and bisexual teens are more likely to engage in risk behaviors. This was reported in The Christian Post and the full article can be found on their site.

Gay and bisexual high school students are more likely than their heterosexual peers to use tobacco, alcohol, drugs and violence and to even have suicidal tendencies, a new study by the U.S. government has found.

Anonymous surveys of 156,000 high school students found that gays, lesbians and bisexuals were more likely to engage in unhealthy risk behaviors than heterosexual students, the Atlanta-based Center for Disease Control and Prevention said Monday.

The federal government’s first analysis of teen sexuality and risk behavior of this magnitude, the survey was conducted in six large urban school districts in seven states. The students surveyed were asked about risky behaviors of various kinds, including the use of heroin, throwing up to lose weight, unprotected sex, drunk driving, use of seatbelts and helmets, and possession of a gun.

The CDC report seeks to link the tendency among gay and bisexual teens to engage in risk behaviors to their sense of societal rejection. Click here for full article.

Tagged with Exodus Youth, Gay, Homosexuality, Lesbian, Research, Students, Study, Suicide

Life Gets Better With Christ – Real Answers for June 2011

June 21, 2011 by Jeff Buchanan

This article appears in both our offline and online newsletters. To receive articles like this along with the full newsletter online via email or offline through the postal service please sign up here.

Matthew Walker

Life Gets Better With Christ by Matthew Walker

In my youth I lived about 10 years as an active member of the gay community. I read gay literature, boycotted Pepsi, dated guys, attended and served at AIDS benefits and steeped myself in gay culture. I was a victim of bullying and true hate speech and I buried a few friends and one family member after their lives were cut short by the ravages of HIV. I crafted an identity out of a feeling that started when I was around 4-6 years of age. It was a feeling common in the childhoods of most gay men and women. It’s a feeling of ”feeling different”. I was led to interpret that feeling to mean that I was gay. It was only later in life that I began to wonder, “Who told me that the benign feeling of ‘feeling different’ meant that I was gay?” That interpretation was fostered by the verbal contributions of my peers and the contemptuous need of society to label anything that appears different. But maybe, just maybe the feeling didn’t mean that I was different. Maybe it meant that I was set apart for something different.

I have long since physically left the gay community, but my heart is still there. Because my own life was touched by homosexuality, I know the trials and tribulations that gay men and women go through today. I know that just like me, there are men, women and teens trapped in a gay-identified world that they long to be free from. There are others who are still quite happy being gay. The liberal media would have us believe that the Church’s strong voice in the world is the cause of many gay teen suicides. When I was growing up, it wasn’t the church that caused me inner turmoil with my sexuality. Deep down I knew the attractions I was starting to feel were wrong. They were awkward for me. The church didn’t have to tell me that. It wasn’t the voice of the church, I heard. It was the voice of God making me aware of how the sin I had been born into had manifested in me, but also how I could bring peace to the chaos brewing in the area of my sexuality.

I felt like killing myself as a teen not because of the church, but because of a very real spiritual enemy that was trying to destroy me anyway that he could. His whispers and lies twisted the Bible into a condemnation of me, not of the sin that was overtaking me. I was honest with myself about how homosexuality developed in my life. Many gay men and women use the act of “coming out” as a great dismissal of the developmental history that shaped their gay identity. Genetics becomes the great enabler that keeps many bound to a life of destruction. My heart breaks a little more each day as false hope is communicated to susceptible youth with slogans like “It gets better”. When I hear how many kids are empowered to embrace homosexuality, because some celebrity has come out, it simply takes the wind out of my sails. Today we desperately need courageous Christians who are willing to stand up against the gay agenda and say enough is enough. Unfortunately many times it’s a message churches are unwilling to tackle. There are millions of kids out there looking for answers and looking for a savior – is that not a compelling enough reason to get involved? The truth is that life only gets better if Christ is actively involved.

Tagged with Biblical Sexuality, Bisexual, Christianity, Finding Freedom, Gay, Lesbian, Students, Suicide, Teens, Unwanted Homosexuality

The Reality of Grace

April 1, 2011 by Brenna Kate Simonds

My neat, little Christian world was blown to bits at an Exodus conference in 2004.

Exodus wasn’t new to me. I had met Alan & Leslie Chambers at a campus ministry conference in 2000, early on in my dating relationship with my now husband. I had kept in touch with them over the years of dating, engagement and then marriage. The Chambers also connected me with a local ministry for people struggling with same-sex attraction where I began serving in April of 2003.

But though I was very familiar with Exodus, this was my first Exodus conference. I had trekked all the way to California from Boston in order to attend. The conference had been going well, I was learning a lot, and I was having a good time.

And then Clark Whitten spoke.

Let me back up and share a little history.

I had been a Christian 5 ½ years, and my world wasn’t so neat & tidy as I wanted to believe. I had a long history, even before I was a Christian, of trying to overcome my struggles by using sheer will power. The truth is I did have some success overcoming some of the external ways my issues manifested themselves. I was no longer struggling with an eating disorder, something that had plagued me for 13 years. I wasn’t struggling really at all with same-sex attraction. In my good moments, I felt in many ways that I had arrived.

But if I was actually honest, I still had very dark times. Moments when a small trigger of some sort (a scowling glance or a thoughtless word from a loved one) would send me spiraling into a deep place of despair and self-loathing.

My struggle with my thoughts was so intense that a friend had begun to encourage me to explore grace. She saw how hard I was on myself and how I struggled in my relationship with God. She had been sending me emails about grace, as well as mailing books & teaching tapes (yes, people still listened to tapes occasionally then) all on the topic.

I was slowly beginning to realize that while I believed in my heart that I was saved by grace alone, I was demonstrating a different core belief through my actions: through rules and my own effort, I could overcome all my struggles and wrong thinking.

Now back to the Exodus conference.

Clark Whitten was, and still is, a frequent speaker at Exodus conferences. He seems to almost always talk about one thing: grace. At this conference in 2004, Clark preached a thorough sermon on grace (he followed it up with another teaching on the law which was almost as earth-shattering for me).

Honestly, as I sat there, I didn’t believe what he was saying. I mean, he was quoting the Bible, and using the verses in context. It seemed to line up with what I knew about God and what His Word says about grace. But it was, again, shattering my little Christian box I had been living in.

Grace just sounded too good to be true.

Grace really is too good to be true. Maybe that’s why we try to measure our accomplishments through rules and our own effort. Yet God is very clear in how He expects us to react when we fail: “Let us therefore come boldly to the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy and find grace to help in time of need.” Hebrews 4:16

Through giving us His grace & mercy, God has the help we need.

Clark reminded me that Jesus didn’t just die to modify my behavior. I didn’t like that answer at all because I still had a lot of behavior that I really wanted to be modified! That’s why I had constructed a nice set of rules to encourage my own behavior modification. I also saw a lot of behavior in others that I thought needed to be modified (yes, I was a bit of a Pharisee).

If I had boiled it down, my core belief I was demonstrating would have been “I believe I can change myself by berating myself.” Another core belief was “My faith, and the faith of others, can be measured by the external changes we have made.” Thus, when I made a mistake, my response was often to resort to name-calling and self-degradation.

Trying to be free through rules and human effort injects you into a cycle that makes YOU responsible for your own healing. I’ve found living this way only heaped shame and condemnation on my head.

Galatians 3 says “You foolish Galatians! Who has bewitched you? Before your very eyes Jesus Christ was clearly portrayed as crucified. I would like to learn just one thing from you: Did you receive the Spirit by observing the law, or by believing what you heard? Are you so foolish? After beginning with the Spirit, are you now trying to attain your goal by human effort?”

Colossians 2 says it another way: “Since you died with Christ to the elemental spiritual forces of this world, why, as though you still belonged to the world, do you submit to its rules: ‘Do not handle! Do not taste! Do not touch!’? These rules, which have to do with things that are all destined to perish with use, are based on merely human commands and teachings. Such regulations indeed have an appearance of wisdom, with their self-imposed worship, their false humility and their harsh treatment of the body, but they lack any value in restraining sensual indulgence.”

The Bible is clear: rules have no power to restrain. Human effort will fail us.

So, if following rules has no power to restrain, then what does?

Clark said, “The greatest constraining power on earth against sin in your life is love.”

We make different choices, in our actions and in our thoughts, because He loves us, because He declared and proclaimed us worth knowing, worth loving and worth creating when He hung from that cross.

Choosing to live in grace became one of the keys in overcoming my struggle with self-image and self-acceptance. I needed to choose to walk in His grace when I failed. I needed to learn to accept God’s love when I made a mistake. I needed to transform my mind, as it says in Romans 12:2, and renew my thoughts to line up with what the Word of God says about me. I needed to choose to believe what He says about me.

Does grace sound too good to be true to you?

The Reality of Grace is the theme of this year’s annual Exodus Freedom conference.

I asked the question last September: have you attended an Exodus conference?

This year’s Exodus Freedom conference is June 8-11 in North Carolina. Have you considered attending?

Do it. Seriously. You can find more stories of lives changed at conferences here.

Tagged with Bible, Change, Conference, Encourage, Exodus Freedom Conference, Exodus International, Faith, Finding Freedom, God, Grace, Healing, Heart, Jesus, Romans, Sin, Struggle, Testimonies, Truth, Worship

Debunking the Myths about Exodus and their iPhone Application

March 23, 2011 by Angela Buchanan

During the past week, Exodus International and their iPhone application have been grossly misrepresented. Since we haven’t had the opportunity to adequately correct the errors, we want to expose two primary myths.

Myth #1: Exodus uses hate speech.

Exodus presents a redemptive, biblical worldview on sexuality, which communicates a message of love and acceptance to those that are struggling with unwanted same-sex attractions. Exodus helps people to live their whole life, including their sexuality, in congruence with their faith.

The mission of Exodus, which is front and center on our website, is “Mobilizing the Body of Christ to Minister Grace and Truth to a World impacted by Homosexuality.” As followers of Christ, we are committed to emulating Him in everything. Our primary focus is encouraging and educating the global church NOT ONLY to lovingly communicate the truth of scripture, but also to conduct themselves in ways that would be consistent with the ways of Christ, namely showing love and compassion.

One example, which has been completely neglected by those reporting on the application, is an entire section devoted to Exodus’ adamant opposition to bullying. In alignment with biblical teaching, readers are encouraged to support and befriend anyone being mistreated. Here is a segment of the language used, “Exodus International affirms that gay-identified individuals and those who struggle with same-sex attraction are persons for whom Jesus Christ died and loves equally. Therefore, we strongly oppose bullying, name calling and acts of aggression against any individual or group of individuals for any reason. These actions have no place in our society and we must, instead affirm behavior that validates the personal worth and dignity God bestows upon every human being.” That doesn’t sound like hate to me.

Myth #2: Exodus “cures” people.

Exodus does not claim to cure anyone. That is not within our ability and certainly beyond the ability of our iPhone application, which simply provided mobile access to information available on our website. As complex human beings, sexual attractions develop for many known and unknown reasons and no one chooses those, but as sexual beings, we all make decisions about how to express ourselves. For those who consider the Bible to be life-giving truth, homosexual attractions and the desire to act on them are at odds with the desire to live a life that reflects the Christian faith and often results in moral tension.

Exodus acknowledges that pursuing a relationship with God over these attractions won’t always make the feelings go away. They may stay the same, lessen or possibly shift towards the opposite sex. That’s not the point. The point is to pursue a life beyond attractions, feelings and societal labels that is guided and defined by Jesus Christ and the truth of Scripture. And for the record, living with conflicted desires is not the same as living a life dominated by them. Exodus doesn’t believe there is a “cure” for homosexuality, adultery, arrogance, gossip or any other sin. There is, however, Jesus who paid the price for it all when He died on the cross. Then there is the daily, sometimes moment-by-moment, decision to live a life congruent with His teaching.

Our desire was simply to provide information to individuals exploring and looking for answers that are consistent with their own beliefs. Apple already provides hundreds of apps specific to the GLBT community and has made the Gay Christian Network’s podcasts available on its iTunes store. Our hope was to see equality represented on the same platform.

Tagged with Apple, Bible, Black, Church, Community, Compassion, Encourage, Exodus International, Faith, Gay, Gay Christian, Giving, God, Grace, Hate Speech, Homosexual, Homosexuality, Hope, iPhone, Jesus, Life, Redemptive, Relationship, Scriptures, Sexuality, Support, Truth, Worldview

Does an ongoing presence of temptation indicate a lack of maturity? – Real Answers for March 2011

March 16, 2011 by Angela Buchanan

This article appears in both our offline and online newsletters. To receive articles like this along with the full newsletter online via email or offline through the postal service please sign up here.

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Does an ongoing presence of temptation indicate a lack of maturity? (Question asked at recent Love Won Out event in Phoenix, AZ)

This question was obviously written in relation to those struggling with unwanted same-sex attractions, but the answer can be applied to any form of temptation.

The presence of temptation does not mean you are immature. Temptation is a part of every believer’s life. Jesus himself faced temptation in the wilderness and in the Garden of Gethsemane. In fact Hebrews 4:15 says that Jesus was tempted in all ways like us, but was without sin. So clearly, temptation is NOT sin. How we choose to respond to temptation is the key.

However, maturity does bring wisdom in knowing how to handle temptation more effectively, when it does come. The essence of all temptation is seeking an alternative way to have our needs met, outside of God’s will and purposes. Obviously, we are tempted when something or someone promises to meet a present need of ours. That is why it is tempting or enticing. Temptation typically begins to loss its grasp when the core need driving the desire is met in a healthy and legitimate way, thus making the sinful behavior less appealing.

As we continue on our journey, it is important to:

Know what the core need is that is making the situation tempting. (example: connection, approval, comfort etc…) and determine how you might meet that need in a biblical way.
Know when you are most vulnerable (lonely, tired, stressed etc…)
Know what your game plan is when fighting temptation
Be watchful and vigilant in “guarding your heart.” (Matthew 26:41, Proverbs 4:23)
Recognize the “way of escape” when God provides it and respond quickly. (1 Corinthians 10:13)

No matter how mature you get in this life, you will deal with some level or form of temptation. In fact, those who get over-confident can set themselves up for failure. (1 Corinthians 10:12) However, God does not want us to “white-knuckle” it through life. He desires to meet us at the point of our need and satisfy our hearts with what is pure, beautiful and good. When we rely on Him and His grace, we can overcome temptation.

Tagged with Exodus International, God, Grace, Heart, Jesus, Journey, Life, Love, Love Won Out, Needs, News, Online, Sin, Temptation

The Reality of Grace – Exodus Freedom Conference Registration Opens

February 1, 2011 by David Fountain

Click Image to Visit ExodusFreedom.org

From the Exodus Freedom Conference Website:

The Reality of Grace is what makes the Gospel of Christ Good News! While individuals often strive to please and appease God as a means to earn His favor, the reality or the truth is that Grace came down to earth in the form of Christ.

Come and experience the Reality of Grace. You will encounter it in the moments of intimate worship, through the words of inspiring stories and impactful teaching and in the unplanned conversations with other attendees.

You can learn more about this years Exodus Freedom Conference and The Reality of Grace here. To register, click here.

Tagged with Exodus Freedom Conference, God, Good News, Gospel, Grace, The Gospel, Truth, Worship

Telling Your Story: Sharing Your Struggle With Family at the Holidays

December 16, 2010 by Brenna Kate Simonds

The holidays can be intense time. Food, family, fun – and often friction. It’s also a time when those of us who are struggling to overcome same-sex attraction may choose to “come out” to our families.

I came out to my dad as gay-identified at around 15 or 16, then a post/ex-gay at 25, and then as an Exodus ministry leader probably around 29 or 30. He raised me as a single dad from when I was an early teen, and my mom was in and out of the picture. At one point, a family member out’ed me to my mom, but she & I never talked about it since our relationship has always been rocky.

When I began to do more writing and speaking, I felt it was important to share this area of my life with my mom. So I actually “came out” as the leader of an Exodus ministry to her about 4 years ago. She didn’t seem all that taken aback by it; she had actually just learned about Exodus when she heard Alan Chambers on the radio. It was neat to see how God had been working to pave the way ahead of time for my mom to hear what I had to share.

If you’re considering sharing your story with your family during this holiday season, here are a few things to consider:

1. Prayerfully examine your reasons for wanting to share with your family. Are you close and you simply want to share your life with them? Besides “I’m struggling with unwanted same-sex attraction”, weigh the reasons you are sharing. This will also help you figure out what you want to say.

2. Prayerfully consider the timing and who should be there. Christmas dinner is likely not the best time to share. Pick a low-key time, rely on the Holy Spirit’s prompting, and trust that the Spirit will show you when the time is right.

3. Consider writing out what you want to say ahead of time. Pray that the Holy Spirit would give you the words to say. Share with your family the help you are getting for yourself, whether it be through counseling, or an Exodus group. You may want to share a little about how you came to realize you were struggling, or you may just be led to share a simple paragraph with your family and then ask them if they have any questions for you. If you’ve learned in your recovery process that there were some things your parents could have done differently or ways they may have fallen short as parents (and we all have!), it’s best to save those things for another conversation. Otherwise, what they will likely hear is “I’m gay and you made me this way!” even if that’s not what you are trying to communicate.

4. Tell your family how they can help. Consider bringing them a resource to read such as “God’s Grace & the Homosexual Next Door or “When Homosexuality Hits Home”. They may want to read a resource that is directed toward the struggler, such as “Leaving Homosexuality” or “You Don’t Have To Be Gay”. Be specific with how they could help, such as reading one of the mentioned resources or going to a support group for themselves. That said, leave the ball in their court for when and if they are ready.

5. Be prepared to proactively choose to revisit the topic. Tell them you are happy to answer any questions they may have after the news has set in a bit. That said, your family may have questions later, but not know how to bring it up. This can often feel as if your family is trying to sweep your struggle under the rug, but more likely, this is news to them (though you’ve likely been dealing with it for a long time), and they not only need time for your words to sink in, but often they need you to help direct future conversations. When you do bring it up again, keep it simple: “I’m happy to answer any questions you might have about my struggle with same-sex attraction, now that you’ve had time or the news to set in.” It’s also OK if they don’t have any questions at that time.

6. Surrender your expectations to God. As you envision this time of sharing, you may imagine your dad, who has never told you that he loves you, running over to you and hugging you. Or you may wonder if your parents are going to be angry and ask you to leave. While there can be some wisdom in planning how you might respond to your family’s reactions, it is best to continually surrender your expectations to God. As you pray & prepare, make an active decision to trust that God is faithful, He is good, and He is the same God no matter whether your confession results in reconciliation or rejection.

7. Give your family the same grace you hope to receive, no matter what their response. Grace does not mean be a boundary-less doormat. Rather, it means treating your family how you hoped you would be treated, regardless of the choices they make.

8. Ultimately, your identity lies in Jesus. Your struggle with same-sex attraction may at times feel overwhelming and all consuming, but truly, you are, in your core, a child of the Most High God. If you spend time meditating on the Birth of Christ, His sacrifice to atone for our sins and His resurrection power, the Holy Spirit, living within … regardless of how your family responds to this one issue in your life, you are safe and secure in your Heavenly Father.

If you are thinking about sharing your struggle with your family this holiday season, I am praying for you. Really. Feel free to share in a comment, even with just a first initial or anonymously, and I and others will pray for you.

Tagged with Brenna Kate Simonds, Coming Out, Confession, Family, Gay, God, Grace, Holidays, Holy Spirit, Homosexuality, Hope, Identity, Leaving Homosexuality, Life, Love, Men, Mothers, Parents, Support, Teens, Trust

2011 = Simplify, Amplify and Intensify – Letter from Alan Chambers for November 2010

November 17, 2010 by Alan Chambers

This letter from Alan Chambers appears in both our offline and online newsletters. To receive this letter along with the full newsletter online via email or offline through the postal service please sign up here.

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Dear Partners,

Did you notice that you have been promoted? Those of you who are involved in Exodus, which is the majority of you reading this letter, are more than just our friends. You are our dear partners in ministry. As partners you are vital to the mission of Exodus: mobilizing the Body of Christ to minister grace and truth to a world impacted by homosexuality. Thank you for answering that call via your prayers, gifts and regular encouragement.

As is the case every year about this time, my team and I are gearing up for a new year! We have been in meetings regularly since August praying and talking about how and where God is leading Exodus International in 2011 and beyond. Some years we roll out big new endeavors and introduce big ideas that God has given us. This year, however, God isn’t calling us to do anything new. He has impressed on our entire team the need to do 3 things with what we already have: simplify, amplify and intensify.

Simplify

Simplify means to clarify or reduce. We are in a fast paced, ever changing culture that demands we focus everywhere, have an answer for everyone concerning everything. At Exodus that means people call on us for input about anything related to sex and sexuality. Honestly, there is a vacuum in our culture where this overarching topic is concerned. Millions, if not more, are in the dark when it comes to understanding sexuality from a truly God-focused perspective. Sadly, many who claim the name of Christ are also in the dark.

Exodus doesn’t have all of the answers nor the staff to deal with many of the questions we get that fall outside of our primary mission. And, while the need is great, we must simplify our focus. We want to be clear about what we do and what we don’t do at Exodus. We want to steward well the call God has given to us and do it with greater focus and excellence.

Our primary mission is reaching out to the Church to help them engage people inside and outside of the Body of Christ who are impacted by homosexuality. We believe the Church should be passionate in their pursuit of assisting people who are desperate for help. People like me who grew up in the church and wanted help pursuing a life of holiness.

Amplify

Amplify means to elaborate or magnify. In 2011 we will turn up the volume on our simplified message and begin providing increased and focused resources for individuals, families, schools and churches.

For instance, the greatest area of need in our culture is outreach to young people. We will be changing the name of Exodus Youth to Exodus Student Ministries in order to encompass middle school thru college age students.

We have listened to youth pastors, parents and especially students and we want to amplify our message in a way that they will best receive it: via web communication, YouTube, podcasts and short to the point booklets. We are also in the process of creating an App for iPhone users.

We must be intentional and relevant if we are going to make an impact.

In 2011, we also want to amplify the specialties that our member ministries provide across the country.

Intensify

Intensify means to deepen and strengthen. There are numerous areas where we need to go deeper. For instance, our relationship with you, our vital partners, is an area we want to intensify.

We also want to strengthen our communication about the true point of this ministry and the reality of our stories. We are in a season where people are throwing away their marriages and leaving their children. Staggering numbers of young people are abandoning their faith because they cannot reconcile their homosexuality with their Christianity. The temporary but instant satisfaction of this world is far more appealing to them than the eternal benefits of a progressive journey of discipleship.

Understanding how we in the Church must address this “instantaneous” culture with the message of lifelong discipleship is a huge challenge but the only answer to a life of freedom. We have our work cut out for us, which is why we depend so heavily on each of you; your prayers, your gifts and your input.

Closing

Exodus is a $10 Million dollar a year organization operating on less than 1/8 of that figure. We remain the #1 place that people call when they are dealing with the issues of homosexuality. No other church or organization in the world can report that they receive 400,000 inquiries a year from people looking for help with these complex issues. Our ultimate desire is to refer them all back to the local church.

Please remember us as you plan your budgets, missions giving and targeted outreaches for 2011. Whether you are an individual, family, church, or foundation, we need your prayers, are worthy of your time, energy and financial gifts. To donate online click here. Thank you for your partnership.

All for the Kingdom.

Tagged with Alan Chambers, Christianity, Church, Culture, Encourage, Exodus International, Exodus Youth, Faith, Family, Finding Freedom, Friends, Giving, God, Grace, Homosexuality, Journey, Life, Marriage, Men, Ministry, News, Online, Parents, Pastors, Podcast, Prayer, Relationship, Satisfaction, School, Sexuality, Sin, Students, Truth

What’s in a Name? The Story of Brenna Kate Simonds – Part 2

November 12, 2010 by Brenna Kate Simonds

Yesterday, I shared the first half of my story. This is the second half.

I had just become a Christian. In one sense, I felt hope, but at the same time, the labels were still haunting me. Even though at the time I could not voice what was going on, I continued to spiral out of control with my eating and relationships. I was so desperate for love that I entered into a relationship with an 18 year old woman with a drug problem (I was 24 at the time). After 3 months, this woman (having been raised in a Christian home) said to me, “Listen – the Bible says you must either be hot or cold – one or the other, but not both. You can’t be a Christian and be gay.” And with that, she ended our relationship.

I threw up my arms saying, “Fine, God! I don’t want to live like this. Please take this away from me.” In many ways, He did. My attraction to women greatly lessened, but the circumstances of my life that led me in the direction of lesbianism had not changed. I felt unsure, but desperate for God.

I didn’t know that support groups existed when I was struggling. I opened up to my Christian friends about my struggle and asked for accountability. The labels were still haunting me. I found a Christian counselor who helped me to deal with my same-sex attraction, as well as my eating disorder, depression and self-injury. Romans 12:2 (NLT) says, “Let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think.” The labels served as a constant reminder that I truly needed my entire thought life to be transformed. It wasn’t that I had moments of feeling worthless and unlovable; in the core of my being, I was sure it was true. My counselor helped me to recognize these faulty names I had allowed to attach to me and showed me how to make them line up with what God’s Word has to say about me (2 Corinthians 10:5).

My counselor also helped me to see that I had attached all sorts of labels and names to God, most of them not true or accurate: unreachable, unloving, distant, unconcerned with my life and struggles, nit-picky, only interested in my failures, punitive, impatient, and constantly angry.

So I wrestled with God. In all honesty, I suppose, it was more like I wrestled and He waited patiently for me to realize that He is who He says He is and He will do what He has said He will do. In the Gospel of John, chapter 6, Jesus gave the disciples a particularly difficult command. Rather than trusting Jesus, quite a few of the disciples decided to stop following Him. When Jesus asked the Twelve if they would leave too, Peter responded, “Master, to whom would we go? You have the words of real life, eternal life. We’ve already committed ourselves, confident that you are the Holy One of God.” That’s how I felt. In the midst of all the questions and doubts, I already knew that I had tasted and seen that the Lord is indeed good.

A few months after surrendering my sexuality to God, I met a man through the campus ministry we both attended. Roy & I continued to be friends for 5 months, at which time we began dating. It wasn’t always an easy relationship. The grip the names had on me was loosening – but it was very slow and painful.

When we first became friends, I was drawn to his strong faith, his free spirit and love for life. I can see that my lack of physical attraction to men in general was due in part to my fear of men and the lies my mother had instilled in me. As I learned more about Roy, as I grew to trust him, and as I recognized that he wouldn’t hurt me, my natural physical attraction was allowed to surface without fear.

Roy & I have been married for almost 8 years and have two beautiful sons. Marriage is not a cure for homosexuality, or even a guarantee of happiness, but simply another part of God’s healing process in my life. I thank God that I came to a point where in my heart of hearts, I felt I had no choice but to embrace Christ and all that He required of me. But what I got in return for my obedience and hard work is an amazing godly man who loves me, unconditionally, like no woman ever did.

I also have allowed God to give me new names. Rather than feeling unlovable at my core, I know that my Father calls me beloved, cherished, in fact – His favorite. Rather than being ashamed of who I am and who I was, God calls me precious, beautiful, redeemed – He has born my shame. He calls me worth knowing, worth loving and worth creating. I am mighty in Him, delightful, created in my Father’s image and strong when I am weak. And in those moments when I feel abandoned, I remember there is nowhere I can go to flee from God’s presence, and when I feel rejected, I know I will never have to feel the rejection that my Savior felt as He hung from that cross. And my mother was right: I have been rescued from hell – not only eternally, but today, God has given me abundant life and a true freedom I never thought possible.

Isaiah 62 says “For Zion’s sake I will not keep silent, for Jerusalem’s sake I will not remain quiet, till her vindication shines out like the dawn, her salvation like a blazing torch. Nations will see your vindication, all kings your glory; you will be called by a new name that the mouth of the LORD will bestow. will be a crown of splendor in the LORD’s hand, a royal diadem in the hand of your God. No longer will they call you Deserted, or name your land Desolate. But you will be called Hephzibah,your land Beulah; for the LORD will take delight in you, and your land will be married.”

What names have you allowed to speak death to you? Do you feel stuck & helpless today as you try shed false labels? If so, I want to point you toward a few resources. Visit the Exodus website to find out if there is a support group or counselor near you that can help you process these things. Check and see if there is a Living Waters program available in your area. You can contact Focus on the Family, as they have counselors on staff and are able to make counseling referrals for you.

If you are feeling hopeless, I just want to again point you to Romans 8:24 and this time, include verse 25:

Hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what they already have? But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently.

Today, I choose to embrace my new names, letting go of the labels I wore for so many years. They no longer fit, as God is making me a new creation. I choose to trust God in the process; He has yet to let me down.

Tagged with Abuse, Addiction, Bible, Biblical Sexuality, Brenna Kate Simonds, Change, Christians, Church, Ex-gay, Family, Fear, Friends, Friendship, God, Gospel, Grace, Homosexuality, Hope, Identity, Jesus, Lies, Pain, Relationship, Scriptures, Sexual Abuse, Sexuality, The Gospel, Therapy, Transparency, Trust

What’s in a Name? The Story of Brenna Kate Simonds – Part 1

November 11, 2010 by Brenna Kate Simonds

Baby Brenna with the sides of her head shaved

A Christian speaker recently reminded me that words are a container for power. The book of Proverbs says “reckless words pierce like a sword”, “the words of the wicked lie in wait for blood”, and “when words are many, sin is not absent”. In the Bible, words & names are very important. Throughout my life, I allowed people and circumstances to label me, name me, and define who I am.

I was born prematurely in May of 1975. I was given a 50% chance of survival and rode in an ambulance to a hospital 50 miles away since the hospital where I was born did not have premie facilities. I was born without a name. My parents didn’t know if I would be male or female, and certainly weren’t expecting my arrival almost 2 months early. I spent the next two months, isolated in an incubator. During those years, premature babies were not touched or held. I was so sick that they ran out of places to stick needles, and had to have my head shaved for more needle ports. The names I picked up were: abandoned, rejected, unloved, shameful, worthy of pain – as good as dead.

My mother is an alcoholic and when she drank, she would recount those days, saying‚ “You were bought from hell.” What she was trying to express to me was the trauma of my birth and the extreme circumstances I was rescued out of. What I heard, from my already broken filter, was: inconvenient, bothersome, a burden.

As a child, I even remember being hyper-focused on the lyrics to the songs my parents listened to. I’d zero in on themes of abandonment, and I carried those feelings of fear and shame into adulthood. I heard: be on your guard, you will be rejected and alone.

During my youth, my family attended liberal churches, serving on various committees and singing in choirs. I always believed in God, but it had little effect on my daily life. My mother continued to drink, ranting at me about the evils of men, what a bad child I was, and continually favoring my sister. What I heard: I was not worth protecting, the castaway, again a burden.

I began experimenting sexually with girls at a young age. This continued until, as a high school freshman, I found myself in a physical relationship with my best friend. I also developed an eating disorder and a struggle with self-injury. About a week into my high school relationship, I secretly looked up “homosexuality” in a health book. The book said that if you had attractions for someone of the same gender, then you were gay. I remember thinking, “There it is, in black and white. I am a homosexual.” I already felt: unlovable, out of control, too much and now a dyke.

The summer after my high school graduation, I was asked if I was interested in going to church with someone I met in a coffee shop. The church was quick to tell me that homosexuality was a sin that would condemn me to hell. Every night I would cry myself to sleep, praying, “God, change me! Why did you make me gay if that means I have to go to hell? Is it true that You want me to be forever separated from You?” The church I was attending did not share the hope for change that the gospel offers to those struggling with same-sex attraction. Their stance was change first: then God will accept you. In my mind, I had asked God to change me, and He hadn’t. And so I embraced my lesbian identity, all the while the labels were being reinforced: rejected, abandoned, unheard, miniscule, unlovable – even by God.

After three and a half years together, my first girlfriend and I broke up. I then met an older married woman, dropped out of college and moved across the country to live with her and her husband. She and I had a mock wedding ceremony and from then on, she introduced me as her “wife.” I lived with this couple for close to two and a half years. During this time, I was repeatedly taken advantage of by a man in my life. The names kept coming: worthless, voiceless, ashamed, only good for one thing – sex.

My “wife” and I eventually decided it would best for me to continue my schooling, so I moved to Boston to attend a prestigious music school, the same school from which my “wife” had graduated. Though I was in an environment where my sexuality was affirmed, I was far from happy. My relationship with my “wife” continued to crumble until it ended 10 months after I moved. My eating disorder spiraled out of control. I was afraid & alone.

Christians seemed to pop into my life to share with and pray for me. They never took it upon themselves to point out my sinfulness or say that I should not be a lesbian. They just pointed me to Jesus. Like everyone else, I was a sinner in need of Jesus in my life. My sexual choices were only one of many indications of this need.

Things continued to worsen. I knew that I needed help with my eating disorder, or I was going to die, but I felt I had tried everything and nothing worked. A friend in recovery suggested I try to pray. I thought, “That’s the one thing I haven’t tried!”―so I started praying.

Around this time, a friend gave me a music CD by a passionate Christian artist. One night while listening, the words of a song gripped my heart. I felt all alone, and my heart was so hard. The voice sang of a friend who was always there, with every tear cried, a friend who would give everything for him. That friend was Jesus – the son of God, who died on the cross to take away my sin, my pain, the false labels and to declare my worth. In the midst of that song, I cried out to God saying, “I want what he has!” God, in His great mercy, met me on that day in January of 1999. I felt: hopeful.

But the names did not disappear. I felt doomed to carry the labels forever. I knew logically that Jesus called me by name for a reason: freedom. At that time, I chose to hold on to hope that He had more for me.

I know many will likely connect deeply with my testimony. Likely as you read this post, your own names & labels have been flashing through your mind. I hope you return tomorrow to read the second part of my testimony and experience, as I did, the truth of Romans 8:24 says, “Hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what He already has?” In the meantime, feel free to check out the Exodus website for resources in your area.

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What’s in a Name? The Story of Brenna Kate Simonds – Part 2

What’s in a Name? The Story of Brenna Kate Simonds – Part 1

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