Student Blog — Exodus International

Exodus at Jeanne Mayo Youth Leader Conference

March 13, 2012 by Chris Stump

Exodus is at Jeanne Mayo’s National Youth Leader Conference this week in Atlanta, GA. Please pray for us as we offer resources and help to those who stop by.

As we seek to equip youth pastors, take a look at this great article written by Jeffrey Wallace, a youth pastor himself. He offers up five great strategies in reaching gay-identified teenagers in your youth groups! The full article can be found here.

In early March I had one of the most intense ministry experiences of my life. The leaders of the Simply Youth Ministry Conference (SYMC), the same people who put this magazine together, asked me to help mediate a panel discussion at the conference, called “Ministering to Homosexual and ‘Bi-Curious’ Teenagers.” More than 100 youth workers crowded into the room, and I could feel the tension when I walked through the door.

The idea was to create a mediated space for healthy conversation, but the gathering quickly turned into an intense debate in a room filled with angry youth leaders. At the end, as people filed out, I overheard the sorts of remarks that leave a big stink on your soul: “This was a big waste of time” and “We accomplished NOTHING!” and “This panel avoided the real questions and issues!” I left the panel more discouraged than encouraged. [Read more...]

Tagged with Abuse, Bible, Church, Community, Compassion, Culture, Encourage, Equip, Gay, God, Grace, Homosexual, Homosexuality, Hope, Ministry, Pastors, Peers, Teens, Youth

Being Human

January 31, 2012 by Chris Stump

Sometimes I wonder how I get sucked in to certain shows. One I recently became hooked on is Syfy’s Being Human. This fantasy series revolves around three roommates attempting to live “normal” lives despite being a ghost, a vampire, and a werewolf. I know, it sounds crazy, but bear with me. I love fantasy: novels, movies, themes, anything. But when I first came across Being Human, I watched it only half-heartedly. I assumed it would be ridiculously campy, have bad dialogue (it’s on Syfy after all), and cheap acting. Amidst the doubt and skepticism, though, I was hooked. A few weeks ago I watched three episodes in a row and had to force myself to get off the couch and do something else. Realizing I loved this show, I asked myself why. What glued me to a show about a vampire, werewolf, and ghost?

I rattled my brain for a bit until I finally understood. I like the authenticity they live in together. One’s pupils turn black and fangs protrude from his gums when the thirst for blood stirs him. Another transforms into a savage wolf during full moons. Another makes lights flicker and walls tremble in the house while remaining invisible. Despite their monstrosities they desperately strive to be human, while being there for one another during times of supernatural outbursts or morphing. Through their desires for a normal life, we have a clear picture of authentic community, accountability, and denying the flesh. All of these things resonate with my own life.

I love being in community with honest, raw people who live authentically where they are in their life journey. Something that used to be so appealing about the gay community was that people genuinely lived life together. The baggage you had was shoveled into a pile with everyone else’s. No one had to put on a façade. No one judged what someone else was going through. Even in the midst of darkness I was free to be where I was.

I’ve recently transitioned out of a church small group. Looking back, I see we had a lot of depth, but I also realize we didn’t have a pile of mangled, personal baggage to work through together. There was always an invisible line we couldn’t cross. As I look for a new community I remember the times when I was in the thick of battle: struggling so much with temptation that I had to live a life of raw honesty in order to find freedom. [Read more...]

Tagged with Accountability, Addiction, Church, Community, Encourage, Friends, Gay Community, God, Healing, Heart, Honesty, Journey, Life, Struggle, Support, Temptation

The Flight of Femininity (This is Who I Am Series)

November 21, 2011 by Julie Rodgers

By Julie Rodgers

I awkwardly wobbled across the stage in my high heels and frumpy black dress. The spotlight was on me as I launched into my testimony: it was time for the whole crowd to recognize I had embraced my femininity. The only problem was that I was utterly insecure about my mass of frizzy hair, my oversized dress, and my inability to walk in heels. I was wearing an oversized dress because I tore the one that actually fit. (Who knew they had secret zippers on the side?) I was so uncomfortable, and my “femininity” felt so forced, that I could barely articulate intelligible sentences. Praise the Lord Jesus Christ in Heaven, I’ve come to realize sundresses and high heels and Brazilian Blowouts do not epitomize femininity.

Then what in the world is femininity? I like to think of femininity as a welcoming disposition toward the rest of the world. Picture the most feminine women you know. The women I envision exude warm spirits that are always eager to invite others into their lives. They create a safe relational space for people to simply be where they are. I picture femininity as a spiritual home with walls made of windows, inviting others to share in their lives. Windows entail warmth, transparency, and vulnerability; but they still maintain a healthy sense of protection that keeps harmful people from barging in. Women with a healthy sense of femininity are eager to share, they’re quick to celebrate, and they have a soft, disarming disposition that allows others to feel like they can exhale in their presence. I know Mary Kay women who dress to impress, but lack this nourishing spirit. And I know softball coaches who breathe this into being wherever they set foot.

That sounds really weird, I know. But the flight from femininity is even weirder. It’s like a military base with steel walls and booby traps strategically planted to ward off infiltrators. The rejection of femininity usually occurs when little girls are hurt, and they begin constructing walls to keep from getting hurt again. It’s a natural response to feeling unprotected in an unsafe world. They feel like femininity entails vulnerability and weakness, so they reject it in order to survive. These little girls grow up into hard, cold, detached, and ultimately isolated women. They might laugh and dress-up and maintain an affable façade, but there’s an unspoken defensiveness to ensure that no one pierces the invisible armor. [Read more...]

Tagged with Femininity, Gender, Gender Identity, Girls, God, Heart, Life, Relationship, Transparency, Women

This is Who I Am: Masculine

November 21, 2011 by Chris Stump

I once felt masculinity was barbaric, saturated in stupidity, and weak. So I separated myself from it. When I entered the darkened hallways of middle school I realized I didn’t like, or do, most things other boys did. I was different. The masculinity I had rejected once before, I now wanted. But it was so unreachable as if an impassable canyon valley separated me from manhood. There was no way I could be masculine. I didn’t like to play sports (nor was I good at it), I wasn’t aggressive, and I couldn’t care less about the score last night. But I loved singing (and I was good at it), I was sensitive, and I cared abundantly about the clothes I wore to school. As you can see, I would have been like a square being forced unsuccessfully into the circular shape for masculinity. It wasn’t happening.

It took me years to realize I was comparing myself to a mold of masculinity that a broken world created. Every man on Earth struggles with what it means to be a man. Even friends I thought for sure would be secure have battled with measuring up to the “masculine standard”. Many men do “well enough” fitting into the manly archetype, but some don’t. I’ve heard many stories from guys who battle with same-sex attraction of feeling separated and even unworthy of masculinity. Their interests, passions, and mannerisms just don’t measure up.

But by whose standards are we measuring ourselves?

Are we looking to our master Creator and perfect Designer for proper gender perspective, or to social norms of a society functioning out of a worldly, broken perspective? Is God informing whom we are as created men and women, or are other created people? [Read more...]

Tagged with Change, Culture, Friends, Gender, God, Identity, Life, Men

This Is Who I am: God’s Child

October 18, 2011 by Chris Stump

Disney’s The Lion King is one of my all time favorite Disney films. I’ve been waiting awhile for it to be released again from the vault. So as soon as it hit the shelves I bought it and had a friend over to watch the movie that night. As the story progressed I relived my childhood – enjoying the songs, the humor, and certain moments that sparked vivid memories. But while I embraced the nostalgia I was also pleasantly surprised to be touched spiritually. Disney actually wove in some very significant spiritual truths that touched me in a new way and challenged my own identity.

The clip below is from the “game changer” scene for Simba, and really, the part that truly hit home for me. Check it out!

What is buried in the magic of Disney storytelling is our story as broken Christ followers. We have Mufasa, the king who gives his son his identity. There is Scar, Simba’s accuser and deceiver. Nala and Rafiki try to speak truth into Simba’s “wayward” life. Then there is Simba – the young cub who believed the accusations and ran from his calling finding comfortability, and a place to run from his past and kingship. I saw so much of my own self in Simba.

Have you ever found yourself in a place where the accuser tells you to run, because you’ve done something so awful it’s best to just “never return”? Run away from your past and forget who you truly are? I know sometimes I’ve screwed up and felt the only thing that made sense was to run away, because I couldn’t be forgiven. I ran from my problems, past, and failures. I relinquished the responsibility that was mine. [Read more...]

Tagged with Addiction, Change, Film, God, Identity, Joy, Life, Movie, Rejection, Truth

This is Who I Am: A Member of the Royal Priesthood

October 5, 2011 by Chris Stump

It’s been a while since the last post in this series. Apologies to all! But let’s get back into it.

If someone were to have asked me my freshman year in college, “Who are you at your deepest core?” I would never have thought royal or priesthood. Those two identities would not have gotten a second glance from my destructive inner dialogue. I couldn’t possibly encapsulate those identities because I was a failure, addicted to porn, and entrenched in homosexual attractions. After several years of doing what I wanted, I rejected all that I knew and embraced a new life in Christ. But, for me, it was a very steep mountain I had to climb – grappling at wounds and experiences from my past, pulling myself up and over them, to then find new jagged edges of my past to conquer. The first year of pursuing Christ I failed time and time again. I couldn’t seem to gain any headway with my addictions. It came to a point that I literally wanted to give up.

The shame I felt after every time I failed was like a hurricane force wind pummeling me lower and lower into despair. I learned during that time that addictions are cyclical. You fall once, you feel shame and worthlessness, and the despair of that causes you to want to medicate. So the fall happens again, and you continue to spiral down and down in the behavior. I could see the cyclical nature of sin in my own life, but I didn’t know what to do. It took me a long time to realize I was focusing on behavior modification rather than identity revelation. I was living my life under the guise of what I did rather than who I was. My growth and freedom from habitual sins were stunted because I couldn’t get beyond a performance-based mentality. It’s easy to stay in a rut when you constantly speak identities such as pervert, addict, hopeless, stupid, and worthless over yourself.

But the first step to a life of freedom is claiming the identity Christ has for you. The first one I began to claim over my own life was this one, I am a member of the royal priesthood. In his first letter, the apostle Peter refers to the saints as a royal priesthood. This reference denotes their standing in Christ. As one theologian states, “Since Christ is King, it follows that those who are in Christ would be royal.” Through our union with Christ we are made royalty. No longer are we trapped by the bondage of this world. Nor are we slaves to it. We have been crowned with righteousness through Christ’s reconciliation of us to the Father, and we are now royalty! We are set apart for a special purpose. Isn’t that amazing? We aren’t broken, worthless sinners. Because of Christ’s sacrifice and love for us, we are graciously promoted to priesthood and royalty when we accept Christ and unite our lives with Him. [Read more...]

Tagged with Addiction, Faith, God, Heart, Hope, Identity, Jesus, Life, Struggle, Truth

This Is Who I Am: Beloved

August 31, 2011 by Chris Stump

A well-known female speaker said these powerful words at our most recent international conference. “You’ve never lived an unloved moment in your life.” For those of us who feel unloved or unlovable many times in our life, this is a powerful statement – an ‘almost too good to be true’ sort of statement. But, the reality is, it’s true. No matter what you’ve experienced, no matter how your parents interacted with you, no matter what you’ve done, you are loved.

I think it’s imperative to start with knowing you are the beloved. Living in a performance-focused culture puts a damper on the notion that we are lovable even when we screw up. But, as Christians, we must think outside of our cultural “ceiling”. God loved us, loves us, and will love us no matter how much we fail or how holy we become. You know the best way to see someone’s love for you? Actions. We have a bold, even absurd example of God’s love for us.

To put it in an easily digestible fashion, imagine that you created a carp family of fish that grew no larger than .3 inches. That’s one of the smallest animals on the planet. The carp become wayward and now need you to save them. So you decide to become one of them, and you are birthed out of one of these .3-inch fish and grow to be one of the same size. How drastic of a sacrifice is that? That’s what Christ did for us. God, in all His glory, perfection, and eternality, humbled himself to become one of us. He didn’t just show up one day as a 30 year old man. He actually came into the world the same way we do, and died from the same human frailty we do.

God did this.

To what end? He laid aside his very own deity to become one of us, to then sacrifice his human life to redeem us from destruction of our own making. He did it for all mankind of all generations. All we need do is receive this love and give our lives to Christ.

God loved you before you were born, while you were growing up, and even when you noticed you were attracted to the same-sex. He loves us despite the brokenness we live in. The scandalous beauty of the cross is a love letter to you and me. Regardless of your past or your weakness to sin, you are loved. If you fell today He loves you just as much as He loved you yesterday when you didn’t. You are loved unconditionally.

“But when the kindness and love of God our Savior appeared, he saved us, not because of righteous things we had done, but because of his mercy. He saved us through the washing of rebirth and renewal by the Holy Spirit, whom he poured out on us generously through Jesus Christ our Savior, so that, having been justified by his grace, we might become heirs having the hope of eternal life.” Titus 3:4-7

Because your Creator loves you, He wants the absolute best for your life. He has a better identity for you than the world does. He defines HIS created. Because you are loved, you no longer need to live under condemnation or fear. You no longer need to worry about losing salvation or this love every time you fall. Live in the freedom of His love. Living under the liberty of your identity as beloved will free you from a cycle of despair and will help you claim more of who you are in Christ.

Our Creator dearly loves us. Our past does not dictate our lovability. As God’s children we are loved, no matter how unloved we may have felt growing up. I’m not unloved, I’m not ignored, and I’m not a disappointment. This is who I am…beloved.

Tagged with

Responding to a Confessing Struggler

August 26, 2011 by Chris Stump

This was originally posted on the Exodus blog, but I thought it would be pertinent for the students blog too. If you are a friend, youth leader, or college pastor, this is a helpful resource to you!

When I began my sophomore year in college, I had been attending an Exodus referral ministry for about six months. One of the biggest things this ministry emphasized (which I’m very grateful for), was getting involved in a local church. I had been going off and on to a small Baptist church just outside of town and really liked the college ministry. The college pastor there was very friendly and would try to chat with me each Sunday before I left. I would talk briefly, even coolly, with him, and then quickly find my way to the exit. After a month of school I began to feel the urge to talk to him privately. I knew I needed to tell him my struggle with homosexuality.

A couple Sundays went by. I avoided asking to meet with him over and over. Finally, I got the courage to ask, and he excitedly agreed to meet me for breakfast on campus the following week. What happened in our meeting together was a pivotal part in my healing journey. In so many ways, he did it right. And I hope, that through my experience and how he helped me along, this will be helpful for all those that are in leadership at a church, campus ministry, or any other ministry.

As the morning of that day approached, I became more anxious. Sometimes I prayed that he would call me up and say he had to reschedule due to a conflict – anything to get me out of talking to him. I worried constantly about his response. How would he react to my struggle with such a taboo issue? Would he reject me? Would he judge me? Would I disgust him? All these things were spinning around in my head, making me nauseous – literally. The dreadful day came and I grabbed my bag, walked down the stairs and outside towards the food court. I breathed heavily, preparing myself to do, what I thought was, a ridiculous thing.

As a church leader it’s important to understand the significance of someone coming to confide in you about their struggle with homosexuality. I’m not saying everyone is going to feel the same angst I did. But more often than not, those who struggle with homosexuality have experienced condemnation from the church rather than grace. So for an individual to come to you with this, it’s very plausible that he or she is coming to you with iron butterflies thrashing around in the pit of their stomachs. Acknowledge their courage in confessing this struggle. It’s no small task. Understand they may have faced fear and apprehension leading up to your meeting. [Read more...]

Tagged with Church, Compassion, Confession, Encourage, Grace, Healing, Help, Holiness, Homosexuality, Hope, Identity, Journey, Leadership, Needs, School, Struggle, Students

This Is Who I Am: Intro to Blog Series

August 22, 2011 by Chris Stump

One of the most fundamental questions we all ask ourselves is this, “Who am I?” And some of the most to-be-expected actions of all people is to judge, categorize, stereotype, and label others. We’ve all been guilty of this at some point in our lives. Yet, if you come from a background that’s similar to mine, you know how toxic, unfair, and truly deceptive these to-be-expected actions are. As Proverbs 18:21 states: “Death and life are in the power of the tongue…” Words have power. They have the power to encourage someone into their true identity, or they can have the power to lead someone astray into an identity they were never meant to embrace. Our own perceptions come into play too as we compare ourselves to others. We can even deceive ourselves, or sabotage our self identity based on false interpretations and misguided understandings of the culture around us. Lastly, our sinful experiences, and current addictions seem to taunt us and cast a suffocating shroud over our true identity.

With all of these influences screaming answers to us as we seek our identity, it’s hard to battle and fight for the identity Christ has called us to claim! Who I am is so much more than a neatly packaged box for the world to understand or interpret. Our beings transcend societal norms and pressures. In order for any of us to truly experience freedom, we must chip away the shell society (including ourselves) has molded over us.

I’ve had the great opportunity to minister to and speak one-on-one with many young people who are battling to answer this question. In order to gain any semblance of freedom from addiction or old ways of thinking, we’ve got to put on the mind of Christ and live out of our new identity in Him.I have learned and grown in my own understanding of who I am in Christ, which has propelled my heart to be extremely passionate in helping others claim who they truly are in Christ. That is how I came up with “This is Who I Am”. My goal with this series of posts is to encourage you who are on the journey of discovering who you truly are. The purpose of these posts is to provide, in essence, wiper blades to scrape off all the deceptive muck the world has caked onto the windshield of your soul so that you can see more clearly the true identity we are called to clothe ourselves with. Bad analogy? Maybe…but we’ll go with it for now.

In the coming days and weeks we’ll discuss the things that get us off track, what scripture says about us, and how we can begin to take on our new identities and push away the old ones.

Gay is not who I am. Ex-gay is not who I am. Failure is not who I am. Addict is not who I am.

THIS is who I am. What is “this”? Stay tuned to find out!

Tagged with Addiction, Encourage, Ex-gay, Heart, Help, Identity, Journey, Life, Questions, Sin, Truth

Study Shows Gay, Bisexual Teens More Prone to Risky Behavior

June 22, 2011 by Jeff Buchanan

The CDC has just released a new study showing that gay and bisexual teens are more likely to engage in risk behaviors. This was reported in The Christian Post and the full article can be found on their site.

Gay and bisexual high school students are more likely than their heterosexual peers to use tobacco, alcohol, drugs and violence and to even have suicidal tendencies, a new study by the U.S. government has found.

Anonymous surveys of 156,000 high school students found that gays, lesbians and bisexuals were more likely to engage in unhealthy risk behaviors than heterosexual students, the Atlanta-based Center for Disease Control and Prevention said Monday.

The federal government’s first analysis of teen sexuality and risk behavior of this magnitude, the survey was conducted in six large urban school districts in seven states. The students surveyed were asked about risky behaviors of various kinds, including the use of heroin, throwing up to lose weight, unprotected sex, drunk driving, use of seatbelts and helmets, and possession of a gun.

The CDC report seeks to link the tendency among gay and bisexual teens to engage in risk behaviors to their sense of societal rejection. Click here for full article.

Tagged with Exodus Youth, Gay, Homosexuality, Lesbian, Research, Students, Study, Suicide