Where Truth Begins

A believer’s story is a never ending story based on the truth that God is good and his love endures forever. Our personal story will only ever be authentic if that is the bedrock on which we stand and build.

To fully embrace the goodness of God as being an unchangeable truth means that we operate from a base of thanksgiving irrespective of the difficulties we face and the uninvited troubles that invade our earthly lives. In 2 Chronicles chapter 20 King Jehoshaphat’s response to the prospect of war illustrates the point:

“[Jehoshaphat prayed] Our God, will you not judge them? For we have no power to face this vast army that is attacking us. We do not know what to do, but our eyes are on you.” This is what the LORD says to you: ‘Do not be afraid or discouraged because of this vast army. For the battle is not yours, but God’s.” (vv. 12, 13)

“Jehoshaphat bowed down with his face to the ground, and all the people of Judah and Jerusalem fell down in worship before the LORD.” (v. 18)

“After consulting the people, Jehoshaphat appointed men to sing to the LORD and to praise him for the splendour of his holiness as they went out at the head of the army, saying: ‘Give thanks to the LORD, for his love endures forever.’ As they began to sing and praise, the LORD set ambushes against the men of Ammon and Moab and Mount Seir who were invading Judah, and they were defeated.” (vv. 21, 22)

Our True Story begins with admitting our helplessness and placing God in His rightful position, acknowledging that every good and perfect gift comes from above. From a place of thanksgiving we can accept God’s jurisdiction over our lives, even if we don’t understand why He prohibits certain behaviours.

Thanksgiving re-affirms in me that God knows best and intercepts and destroys any accusation that seeks to undermine Gods position and role in my life. Thanksgiving ensures that the enemy doesn’t have a foothold (Greek: landing place) from which he can dig in and create a stronghold. Thanksgiving is the key that opens the gate to the courts of praise before we enter the holy place of worship and the most holy place of true intimacy.

Our True Story begins with, gives testimony to, and basks forever in the goodness of God.

*Jeanette will be the general session presenter on Friday morning of the Freedom Conference.

The Light in the Distance

The writer of Hebrews tells us “the mature…have their powers of discernment trained by constant practice to distinguish good from evil” (5:14 ESV). There was a time that I viewed this scripture’s meaning with suspicion. Before you fall into the mire of the misunderstanding that tripped me up, know that this verse does not equate discernment with judging. There is a much bigger idea in play here than assessing others as guilty or not guilty.

Discernment is not an exercise in labeling one type of person, thing, or experience as “good” and other people, things, or events as “bad,” conservative, or liberal.  Instead, discernment could be likened to distinguishing a light in the distance.

To accurately see this light, we must listen to the inner voice of our hearts. It is from there that we draw upon the Holy Spirit’s counsel.

Let me open the pages of my life as an example. In the past I lived an immoral, sexually promiscuous life. Those who were skilled in the art of labeling took one look at me and stamped “sexual train wreck” on my forehead. But thankfully God placed a couple in my life who understood that even though I had derailed my sexual life, if it could be put back on track, my past might light the way for others. Where some saw only a failure, they saw someone with so much potential to help redeem
others!

Over time I was able to extract the good from my evil. I redeemed my choices by way of example so others would not journey down the same road.

We all need to mature in our ability to discern. True discernment understands that the shadowed darkness of one’s past can serve as a distant light in someone else’s future. God’s children look beyond the dark past and obvious present to see a glorious revelation in the future for themselves and others!

Adapted from “Girls with Swords: How to Carry Your Cross Like a Hero” (WaterBrook Multnomah Publishing Group, 2013).

*Lisa will be the general session presenter on Friday evening of the Freedom Conference.

Once I was in Malaysia, I saw a thriving Christian Church and population, one that wasn’t fighting its host country or culture, but rather co-existing quite nicely and peacefully.  I found the Christians there incredibly servant-hearted and patriotic, loving a country, culture, government, and people of whom they were the minority by far.  In my own hotel room there was a Koran, an arrow on the ceiling pointing to the east, a mat for me to kneel on, and instructions on how to pray.  I also learned that all citizens of Malaysia, regardless of the religion they are allowed to profess and follow, are considered Muslim.

My time in Malaysia, as well as the dozens of other countries and cultures where I have traveled and lived, taught me a great deal about being missional rather than evangelical, servant hearted rather than demanding, and listening before I speak.  The more I think about these experiences and the lessons that I’ve learned, the more I realize that this is what I believe the role of the Church must be in our post-Christian world.

Recently I spoke at my home church in Orlando, and I had three main points based on the topic:

First, Our World is Changing, and we can have peace. John 16:33 says, “These things I have spoken to you, so that in Me you may have peace. In the world you have tribulation, but take courage; I have overcome the world.”

I’ve been paying very close attention to our changing world, and it seems our culture has taken a quantum leap beyond traditionalism in the last five to eight years.  For those who haven’t been paying attention, it must seem as though our world changed overnight.  Some think this has to do with changes in our political landscape, because we treat presidential elections as if they were our only hope.

As one friend recently put it, “Get the right King on the throne and the Kingdom will come. According to the book of John, THE KING is on the throne so we need not live our lives based on election results or legislation changes.” According to Hebrews 13:8, Our King (Jesus Christ) is the same yesterday, today and forever. When we know Jesus, we can live in peace without the ups and downs of our ever-changing society.

Secondly, We are Missionaries in this Culture, and we must learn to serve.  As my friend Jon Tyson, pastor of Trinity Grace Church in New York City says, “Most of us act like prosecutors when we are only called to be witnesses.” The Church must realize that over the last decade we have become a guest in this world. We are no longer in charge. We must step out in humility, grace, and peace as we seek to serve others.

When I wrote to you last month, I shared a motto that we are operating under these days at Exodus: Live your faith. Share your life. I believe this isn’t just for Exodus, but for the Church at large.  Living our faith is essential.  Being who I am, a transformed believer in Jesus Christ, is how I live my life. People will know what I believe not by what I always say, but by how I live.  One of the best ways to highlight living my faith is to share my life with my neighbors.

Thirdly, I believe the Church is a Beacon of Hope, and we must be different. We cannot confuse that with being separate.  Romans 12 is a wonderful chapter to consider when thinking through this point. We are called to be different, but also to be devoted to one another in brotherly love.

There are 33,000 Christian denominations out there divided over one issue or another.  When it comes to the “gay issue,” churches are either “welcoming and affirming” of gay people and gay life or “welcoming and NOT affirming”. Professor David Fitch of Northern Seminary proposes that we become welcoming and mutually transforming. ALL are welcomed here, and all will be transformed as they pursue their personal relationship with Jesus Christ.

Remember, Exodus exists for many reasons: to support the men and women with same-sex attraction who hold to the biblical orthodox view of sex and sexuality; to support families of gay and lesbian people in need of a community where they can talk, grieve, and learn to build strong relational bonds with their loved ones; and to encourage the church to be first responders to all people and learn how to serve as missionaries in a culture that isn’t their own.

From Pastor Clark Whitten at PureGraceOnline.com:

Christians are not required to confess their sins to God in order to be forgiven, we already are forgiven when we put our faith in Christ for our salvation. There is no Biblical basis for believers to confess sins to God for forgiveness. To each other for healing, yes; but not to God for forgiveness. (Page 20 Pure Grace).

Let’s Talk Grace

Notice I said Christians. Our sins were not only forgiven by God but removed from us. We were cleansed of our sins–all of them! The only reference in the New Testament that refers to a Christian confessing sins is James 5:16 and that verse tells us to confess our sins to one another. 1 John 1:9 refers to the unbeliever confessing sins to be saved. When a Christian confesses sins to God it is not for forgiveness but for healing! It is for us not for Him.

While there is no requirement for Christians to confess sins to God, that does not mean it is forbidden!  In any and all relationships the “agreement” about sin or offense is necessary at times for healing. We must remember, however, that we are already forgiven and cleansed of all sin and therefore the confession of sin to God is only for us to be healed and helped. Another aspect of our healing is the freedom to confess our sins to one another according to James 5:16. All of this should and can take place in an atmosphere of love, acceptance, forgiveness, with the goal of becoming healthy and maintaining healthy and life giving relationships.

Confessing sins to God is a matter of “want to” not “have to.” 

After confessing Jesus as Lord and Savior and receiving Him as the atonement for my sin, I can from that point forward live in eternal peace knowing that I am forgiven of sins I had committed, just committed or have yet to commit. Eternal life doesn’t begin or end. Once it is received, it is forever or otherwise we wouldn’t call it “eternal.”

Concerning confession, I think it is clear from the above quote that confession is still a part of a healthy Christian life. The problem is that confession has been reduced to a ritual of re-crucifying Christ for sins that He was already crucified for in order for the penitent to feel forgiven for sins that have already been forgiven. That would be a self-righteous ritual because it denies the righteousness of Christ that is already present. Confession is something more life-giving, in-depth, and relational than that.

When seeking to understand and thus avoid sinful behavior, I first rest in my relationship with Him as a New Creation and have a conversation with Him. I thank God for His goodness. I thank Him for His finished work on the Cross. I thank Him for the glory of the Resurrection, the Power of which abides in me. I recognize how my sinful behavior is not who I am as a New Creation. I ask Him for wisdom and understanding concerning the matter. I ask for the gifts of the Spirit to manifest in a way that helps me to steward my life … that my focus would be on Him alone, not sin management. It’s in these transparent, not fear-filled, prayerful conversations that He has shown me depths of His love that have captured my heart and devotion. He has been very specific, non-shaming, and always loving.

While confession can be humbling, it is life-giving, relational, and without fear or shame. I don’t have to do anything else other than to believe in Christ’s sacrifice on my behalf to be “forgiven” but I do actually want to confess to God and my friends because I want further healing, love, and wisdom that only comes from transparent and healthy relationships.

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Randy Thomas is the Executive Vice President of Exodus International. You can also follow his personal blog or online at Facebook and Twitter.

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God Used a Drag Queen to Save My Life – Paying It Forward

By Randy Thomas

My first 19 years of life were kind of messed up. Let me explain.

I was not raised in the church and while I did claim to be Christian, I had no clue what “salvation” actually meant. I truly thought Jesus and Moses were cousins. I imagined John the Baptist as some type of primitive hippie. When I was a kid, I would look through the bible my father had left behind when he left us, and the pictures always stood out to me. I loved those pictures.

Even so, I grew up hating Christians.

I hated them, from the self-righteous mockers in the pulpit of a church I visited for six months as a 6^th grader to the televangelist that equated my newly embraced (at 13) gay identity to being a “pedophile in the making.” I detested Christians and their condescending, arrogant, and ignorant sanctimony.

“Coming Out” got me “Thrown Out”

Then, at 19, my Mom discovered something that would upend both of our worlds. While she was doing laundry, she found an invitation in my pocket to a gay Valentine’s Day party. There was no mistaking that it was quite the gay affair. 

My mother, the only person I respected at that time, gave me my first theology lesson concerning sexuality. She informed me that God hated fags and I was going to burn forever in hell. This is ironic because when I was a kid she told me when no one else in the world loved me, she and God would. Well, apparently that wasn’t completely true if I was invited to a gay party.

Sidenote. I must say that today I have a much better relationship with my Mother. She’s an amazing woman and she knows now that God does love me. But back then, a false application of the gospel was the only spiritual response she knew to the issue of homosexuality. Knowing that she truly is incredible and loving, you will see the actions I am about to share with you as “jarring.” It should be jarring because it was a horrible night.

That night Mom yelled, “YOU HAVE ONE HOUR TO GET OUT OF THIS HOUSE! You can keep what you shove into your car but you will never come back here. This is not your home. You are to never come by the store (we owned a clothing store) and never talk to your brother again!”

Numb and terrified, I hurriedly shoved my clothes, knick-knacks, stereo, everything I could put my hands on into my little Aries K car.  On the 59th minute of that final hour I left the house and stayed away for over five years and have never lived with them again.

I lived out of that little car for the next three weeks.

Mella on stage. You might see a female impersonator, I see a personal hero.

The Lord Sends A Unique Messenger

Then one night, my boyfriend Jeff (a toxic relationship that lasted about 18 months) called me at the convenience store I worked at and said he told a mutual friend about my plight. This friend was a drag queen named Carmella Marcella Garcia, Girl!, and my boyfriend told Mella all about my situation. And Mella, George Timothy Reed off-stage, told my boyfriend to tell me to get my ass over to his place immediately. So as soon as I could, I drove over to his condo. On the way there I slid on some ice and hit a tree. It only dinged my car a little, but it served as confirmation that my life truly, in every way possible, sucked.

When I showed up at Mella’s, door I was as desperate as I have ever been in my life. I hadn’t had a shower in a while and my car looked like a refugee camp on wheels. I walked to his front door ashamed of how I looked, how I smelled, how nobody would have me, and ready to give up. It was the only time in my life I truly considered suicide.

So yes, I am able to sympathize with young gay teens being bullied, abused, and left homeless by religious intolerance. I know what it is like to be desperate, alone, and confused to the point of contemplating suicide.

Mella opened the door and he was obviously getting ready for a show. With arched eyebrows, some kind of thing on his head to pull his hair back, a muumuu (I think it was a muumuu type of dress) he welcomed me into his home.

… in Jesus name.

Yes, you read that right. A drag queen invited me into his home in Jesus’ name. He said he welcomed me because he knew that was what his Lord would want him to do. He also cooked me a wonderful down-home southern meal. He couldn’t join me because he was in a hurry to get to the club for his show. I don’t think I said much except “thank you.” I wasn’t a talker at that point in my life. Very shut down in many ways. All Mella said was,

“God loves you and we have to look out for each other, especially when people hurt and hate us.” He said, ”I am not going to charge you rent except to ask that someday down the road you return the favor for another young gay person who might be homeless and helpless just for being who they are. Now go on and get some of that good food!”

As I prepared my plate I wept. Here, 26 years later as I write this article, I can still smell those beans and the cornbread. I sat down at his table and forgot about how I smelled and the chaos in my newly dinged up car. I forgot about hellfire, brimstone, and my crying mother.

For the first time I felt unconditionally accepted. For the first time I considered God as kind of cool. Staying alive might actually be worth it.

Surprisingly, when you are desperately hungry and dirty, it’s not difficult at all to eat and weep at the same time.

I was a substance abuser and because of that I didn’t stay long in Mella’s house. I moved on and was transient for the better part of the next two years. Eventually I joined a 12-step program (still hating Christians) and that program was used by the Lord to save my life yet again.

Love you George. Thank you.

The Lord is quite resourceful in intervening in people’s lives who are hostile to the Church and maybe even Him. I have always remembered Mella’s kindness and would eventually thank him many years later. In fact, he gave me permission to use his real name and pictures for this article. The Lord used a good man from Brownsville Kentucky, George Timothy Reed, affectionately known as Mella to millions, to save my life.

Mella, you will always be in my heart as a result.

Eventually, I became a Christian—because Jesus made sense—even though I didn’t like Christians. I knew He had saved my life through the compassion of a drag queen and the 12-step program. I knew I was in desperate need of a Savior.  God opened my eyes to see Him, He opened my ears to hear Him.

Some of my core beliefs about identity and sexual behavior changed dramatically after turning to Christ on May 31st, 1992. As a result, I do not use any kind of sexuality label as a primary or secondary identity and I’ve lived a celibate life for the past 21 years. And, without any shame or idealization, I genuinely do love my life. I am honestly content regardless of circumstance.

Well, most of the time

Yes, I was a little too gung-ho on a few things throughout the years, but hopefully I have and will learn from those mistakes. I was once shut down but since knowing the Lord, I will never be silent again.

Regardless, I’ve never forgotten that icy cold day where the Lord had mercy on me and brought me out of a spiral that might have led to self-destruction. Throughout the years I have had the honor of returning Mella’s favor in various ways.

Of Life and Death

Flash forward from 19-year-old Randy to twenty-five years later and 7 days away from my 45^th birthday. Today, life is good, I am so grateful to be alive. My walk with Christ is deep and rich. I have been blessed to do a lot of traveling. The Lord has also reconnected me with my biological father and that side of the family. My wonderful nieces are the most fantastic young ladies you could ever meet. I have also seen much healing and reconciliation with my Mother and family. My church family is an incredible group of life-giving people as well. In Christ and His abiding love, I am nothing but blessed.  Suicide is not on my radar. The thought of suicide saddens me. It angers me that not enough is being done about it. Especially when it hits close to home.

Along with honoring Mella, another reason I am writing this article today is because of Michael. On January 31^st, 2013, I found out that he, a former partner and 23-year-friend, had committed suicide. I wept for three days and still have moments when I have to simply stop what I am doing and mourn. I love Michael for many wonderful memories and our life-giving friendship. I will always love Michael. He was part of the 12-step program I went to for help all those years ago. We were partners briefly before I became a Christian, but even with all the transitions in life, Michael’s unconditional love and friendship was a deep blessing to me. His committing suicide was a devastating shock to all of us who love him, and the only comfort I had was knowing that Michael had placed his faith in the Lord.

Recently, I had a dream that Michael came to me, held my hand and sang. I woke up with tears streaming down my face and verbalizing the most mournful one word question of “Why? Michael … Why?” I have to accept that I may never know the answer to that question until I see him again in heaven.

I had plenty of wonderful support from my church family and Christian friends concerning my mourning for Michael. Yet, there are no Christian materials anywhere close to the excellent secular and gay suicide intervention resources. The lack of resources from the church on how to intervene when someone is suicidal and how to care for survivors or people who lost a loved one is deafening and tragic. Sure there are some resources, but suicide is usually treated as one of many issues, or one article in myriads of other articles. There aren’t any singular projects that rise to the excellence and level of the secular resources I found.

Dear reader, are there any suggestions you’d like to make? If not, that’s fine, but we need more than just quoting a Scripture here and there. That can actually be really hurtful. Christians need to admit life can be hard, or they won’t be willing to create materials to help with suicide. Let’s get this reality out of the closet.

If I am wrong please correct me.

As I typed the above paragraph I think the Lord clearly stated, “I am saving lives through the secular efforts just like I saved yours through a drag queen’s compassion.”

Let’s Preserve & Nourish Life

To return Mella’s favor, and in honor of Michael, I am going to make a large (for me) donation to one (maybe more) of the secular organizations listed at the end of this article. I will keep the name of the organization private for several reasons. I implore you to join me and please contribute in some way, shape, or form to help others save lives.

To my Christian siblings, consider the hundreds of millions of dollars spent on the religious response to the culture war in the United States—forty million on Prop 8 alone. Five years later, I personally believe that forty million has proven to have done nothing but harm. I am not condemning those for supporting Prop 8, at all, but . . . are you just as fired up to try and help prevent suicide? If not, why not?

Consider this: suicide is the third leading cause of death for 11-19-year-olds today. 11-19-year olds!! While I am not condemning people for supporting or not supporting Prop 8 or any other public policy initiative (I vote too!), I think preventing teen suicides, and suicides in general, is much more important than the next public policy battle. Too many people are overwhelmed, lonely, abandoned, bullied, and confused. Please ask the Lord to give you eyes to see how to help nourish and preserve life among those around you.

When gay young people, like I once was, see that the only concern the religious community has about homosexuality is to bully through stereotypes and stigmatization or rally around the next public policy battle, is it any wonder they don’t look to us as they are teased at school or thrown out on the street for being gay? Is it any wonder they, like the 19-year-old Randy, found their first acceptance and identity within their local gay community? When I was homeless, suicide was an option, but talking to a Christian minister was not.

How have we as a church contributed to that alienation? Let’s make amends. Now.

Please join me in supporting at least one of the various resources listed at the end of this post. Even if you can’t actually give money, please pray for them as they seek to save lives.

When I write my check I will do so in honor of a living, compassionate, drag queen named Mella, who wasn’t ashamed to mention the name of Jesus in my desperate time of need. I will also do so in memory of a dear and beloved friend, Michael, who after much pain and tribulation in this life is now singing with our Savior.

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Helpful Resources:

• National Suicide Prevention Lifeline    www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org   800-273-8255
• Yellow Ribbon  Ask4help.@yellowribbion.org<mailto:Ask4help.@yellowribbion.org>
• National Crisis Helpline  www.spsaamerica.org  800-784-2433
• The Trevor Project (for gay teens)   www.thretrevorproject.org  Trevor Lifeline  866-488-7386
• Veterans Suicide Helpline  www.veteranscrisisline.net   800-273-8255 press1
• 1-800-Runaway  www.1800runaway.org
• Narcotics Anonymous: http://www.na.org/
• National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) http://www.nami.org/
• GriefShare (Christian) www.griefshare.org

Important note concerning Mental Health Officers - A reader of this blog messaged me privately saying, “if someone thinks that someone else is attempting suicide – you can call any police department and tell them you need the mental health police. It’s much more understanding than regular cops. They arrive in plain clothes and are armed with counseling skills, but have authority to force someone to get help.” I had never heard of mental health officers but it would make sense.

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Randy Thomas is the Executive Vice President of Exodus International. You can also follow his personal blog or online at Facebook and Twitter.

When the kids were younger, there was no need for fairness. They were simply content if their basic needs were met. If there was an occasion and special attention or gifts came their way, they were thrilled. Those first Christmas’ were fantastic because there was no comparison of gifts or expectation of receiving anything. There was only joy in receiving the gifts they were given. Not anymore. The natural progression of maturity has brought them to the point of being able to see not only what they have been given, but also what others around them have been given. There is now an expectation of what they should receive based on what they had been given in the past or if they’ve been “good”. At this stage, their clamoring for equality and fairness is primarily selfish and based out of their own disappointment or disillusionment.

I feel like one of the most important things my kids can learn is that life is not fair and they can be glad it’s not.

Before saying any more, please hear me… This idea is one I want to teach my kids knowing they have a safe, loving home. They have plenty to eat. They have clothes to wear.  They are getting a good education. They have a doctor to go to when they are sick. The idea is not for those whose basic needs are not being met. We should stand up and fight for justice on behalf of all whose circumstances in life have left them with anything less than a loving, safe, and well provided for environment.

That said, anyone reading this, including myself, can benefit from the gentle reminder that we should be glad life is not fair. We can read and we have access to a computer or the printed word. Those things alone put us into a “blessed” category.

For those of us who are believers in Jesus and who have received the new life He offers through His death and resurrection, this idea is imperative. We sometimes spend so much energy and effort pointing out others mistakes; we forget to be thankful for all we’ve been given. We forget that without Jesus, we are all in the same boat of depravity.

I recently finished reading the book of Acts and started reading Romans, simply because it was next. With a firm belief in the traditional biblical views of sex and sexuality and with the firm belief that Jesus didn’t die any more or less for my sin than someone else’s sin, I began reading. Knowing that Romans 1 can be used as a divisive chapter in the Bible and without jumping into a theological or cultural deep-ended discussion, can I just say what jumped off the page to me as I read it? Did you know that right there, in Romans 1 vs. 30 and 32 it says, those who disobey their parents (among other things) deserve to die according to the ordinance of God. Ouch! To any who have sinned, which according to the list is everyone, death is fair and just according to the ordinances of God. You want to know what’s not fair? It’s not fair that Jesus took my place and suffered the death sentence in my place. You want to know what’s not fair? He didn’t just die for me and give me back my old life. He gave me new and eternal life. That’s so not fair! Knowing that is a game changer… It. Changes. Everything.

What would happen if we, as the Church, took a deep restorative breath and stopped pointing our fingers at the sin in others? What if we fearlessly based everything we did on Love? Have you ever been a total mess and had someone genuinely say that they love you? This morning my daughter told me that I smelled good. I hadn’t showered. I hadn’t brushed my teeth.  Rather than calling out the fact that I needed to brush my teeth, she called out the truth that my presence somehow overcame my stinkiness and I was pleasing to her. Isn’t that why Jesus asked us not to focus on the speck in someone else’s eye? Purposefully not pointing out someone’s sin does not equal condoning sin. If it did Jesus wouldn’t have told us to do it. We just shouldn’t attempt it if there is a big log in our own eye! You want to know what would happen if we loved fearlessly: bridges that led to Christ would be built and people would be in awe like they were in the early church because we were getting along! Can we please stop acting like 8 year olds who feel the need “tell on” their brother or sister or even the other kid on the playground with whom they have no relationship?  There may be things that people are doing that are sinful, but let’s let Daddy deal with those things! Only He can handle both the facts of, and provide a way out of our mess.

Now, before the realties of “Church discipline” distract anyone and they miss the point, of course there are times when intervention is necessary. I’m just saying tread lightly. Love boldly. Remember it is the kindness and tolerance of God that leads us to repentance (Romans 2:4). Is it fair that someone “in sin” gets to sit in church, hear the message of God’s love, worship Him, enjoy fellowship and eat from the same table as the “good Christians” do? Maybe not, but aren’t you glad He wasn’t fair with you?

Just in case you were wondering if there is any biblical truth to back up the thoughts I’ve shared about fairness… Read the parable about the workers in the field who were mad because they had worked hard all day got the same pay as those who came at the end of the day and didn’t work at all. Read the parable of the son who was angry because while he worked hard to please his father, his younger brother took advantage of his father’s kindness and squandered his inheritance. When the younger son returned to an unprecedented welcome, in anger the older son first showcased everything he had accomplished and then quickly pointed out his brother’s misdeeds. These guys were mad because from their perspective, the landowner and the father did not act fairly. What they didn’t realize was that the landowner and the father based the rewards not on fairness but their own goodness. Only when we get this most basic truth, that everything we receive from God is based on His goodness, can we begin to thoroughly enjoy our lives and the work He has given us to do. When I’m not feeling especially joyful in my work or in my circumstances, when I am feeling judged by others or when I catch myself judging others, I am learning to stop and thank the Father for not being fair.

It literally astounds me that there are some who would still point Alan, or other same-sex attracted people, towards “heterosexuality”. Heterosexuality by definition is “sexual relations or attractions between opposite sexes”. Alan has openly admitted his same-sex attractions. As his wife, I can honestly say that the last thing I want him to pursue is heterosexuality. Why, you ask? How am I not threatened by my husband’s same sex attractions? If he pursued heterosexuality, wouldn’t I be more fulfilled in my marriage? Truthfully, I know plenty of marriages where “heterosexual” men and women have made very poor choices as they endeavored to fulfill their heterosexual desires. I do not want Alan to be more attracted to people of the opposite sex. I am thrilled that he is attracted to me and that I am the only person he chooses to direct his attraction toward. What wife doesn’t want that from her husband? Heterosexuality doesn’t guarantee that in any marriage. What would happen to the divorce rate if it did? He is a man after God’s own heart. He is the head of our household. He is my very best friend, my lover and he knows all of me. He is the father of my children, the very best son and son-in-law to our parents. Pursuing “heterosexuality” wouldn’t help him do any of those things better. None of them.

While we are talking about our marriage, there is a consensus between two polarized groups of people as to the probability of the demise of our marriage. Their differences lie in what will cause that demise. Some say it will be the inevitability of Alan’s inability to repress his “true gay identity”. Of these folks, some have pitied me. Some say the demise will come as a result of a “hyper-grace” mentality and at any moment Alan will take advantage of God’s good grace and sin all over the place. Of these folks, some have said that I must be on the verge of a total breakdown.

The truth is that both groups are making these assumptions based on the reality of their own personal lives.

I actually don’t need pity because I’m incredibly fulfilled in my marriage. As for “hyper-grace,” how can being in awe of God’s grace destroy my marriage? It is the hope for my marriage. The peace that comes with knowing that I am a daughter and Alan is a son of the King, the peace that comes with knowing I can trust the God who is in Alan and trust the God who is in me, far exceeds any insecurities that come with unrighteous thoughts or deeds either of us experience in our flesh. It is in God’s grace that our marriage is secure.

While we are talking about God’s grace, I’d like to comment on the belief that true repentance and forgiveness and right standing with God only come when we desperately seek Jesus and desperately try to or at least want to fix what is broken. This simply does not logically fit into my heart and mind as a mother. I do not need my children’s desperate pleas for forgiveness in order to forgive them. I do not require them to fix anything they break in order for them to be in right standing with me. Do I want them to recognize when they have done wrong. Yes. Is it good for them to apologize? Yes. Is it good for them to try to fix things they have broken? Yes. Is it good for them to change their minds, learn from their mistakes in hopes of not making them again? YES!! All the while, none of that is required for them to be my children. The moment they became mine, they became MINE and nothing can change that! If I, as an earthly mother feel this way about my children, how much more so does our Heavenly Father feel this way about us? There isn’t anything hyper about that. It’s simply giving God credit for being at least as good a parent as I am…. Knowing all the while He is infinitely better!

When it comes right down to it, I don’t feel “desperate” for Jesus at all. I am not desperate to fix things that I have broken or what is broken in my flesh. I have no ability to do either, even if I “desperately” wanted to. The definition of desperate is “without hope.” Microsoft Word lists the following words as synonyms for desperate: frantic, anxious, despairing, worried, and fraught to name a few. A Google search for desperate synonyms lists “atrocious, careless, dangerous, fool hardy, frantic, frenzied, heinous, and violent”. That does not represent how I feel towards my Savior. I seek Him with hope! Because of God’s good grace, I’m actually in agreement with the antonyms listed for desperate. They are: confident, content, satisfied, secure and unworried.

I am unworried about who Jesus is and who I am in Him. I am unworried about who Alan is in Him. Jesus in Alan is the hope for my marriage. That is Alan’s hope concerning me. That is my hope for my children. That is my hope for my friends and neighbors. That is the hope for the Church and for Exodus…. I am cleansed by God’s grace even if my efforts towards repentance of sin and my conscious need for Jesus falls short of what they should be. We can be confident, content, satisfied, and secure in Him. If we are relying on anything within our flesh or on anything we can do to earn or to receive any part of what He has to give away… we are without hope and should feel desperate!

Instead, show me a rooftop where I can shout… THANK YOU JESUS! Christ in me … I am confident of this, that He who began a good work in me and in Alan and in all of us who believe in Him, He will carry it to completion until the day of Christ Jesus!! He will do it. He has done it. Amen!

I have become unwilling to speak out against gay marriage personally and have decided with my leaders to keep Exodus International out of the policy discussion, as well. That fact has confused some of our supporters and friends and cost us financial support because people think we are caving in to pressure from gay activists.  There have been people who have criticized my relationship with Christ and others who have placed bets on how long it will be before I “come out” and leave my family.  The sting of criticism is palpable.  I am sad that Christianity, at least in America, has been boiled down to where one stands on the issue of homosexuality.  The truth I live by, and the truth that has been a part of Exodus since its foundation, has not changed.  How we choose to share that truth has.

Recently I have tried to highlight that Exodus has a mission we are daily seeking to fulfill:

1. We desire to encourage and support the Church to become first responders to people in crisis related to their struggles with sex and sexuality.  The Church, historically, has been first to criticize and first to ostracize.  Thankfully that is changing.  At Exodus, we want to help continue the forward motion.
   
2. Our local partners, whether counselors, churches or local ministries, are positioned in communities to offer specialized support to any and all who seek their help.  Whether that is a gay or lesbian person researching biblical answers or someone who wants to surrender their sexuality to the Lordship of Christ or a loved one grappling with how they can respond, our partners are their to walk alongside.
3. At Exodus, we probably interface with more gay and lesbian people than any other church or ministry.  I absolutely believe it is our mission to be in a sincere and committed relationship with people with whom we disagree and who disagree with us.  We live in a pluralistic society and until Jesus returns we need to figure out how to live alongside our very diverse neighbors.

Because of point #3, we will not battle people.  When I think of what I need to “do” personally about marriage, I am reminded that I need to focus on the amazing one I am in.  I am reminded to pray for the people I know who are married.  When I think of “saving” marriage I think of the ones that are being lost on “our side” as we scream at hyper pitch about “those people” who are seeking to “destroy” marriage.  We have done quite a bit to destroy it ourselves.

In all of this I am reminded that my God is BIGGER. He cares about all of this and He has THE answer that none of us know in whole.  There are too many other things that demand our attention.  At Exodus, we choose to focus on the 3 points above.  We choose to focus on the people who come to us with horror stories of the lives they have lived and the obstacles they have faced.  We choose to live a life that includes loving all people and putting political agendas out to pasture.

Join us as we live our faith and share our lives.  Life in Christ is our foundation and the core of who we are.  He compels us to love our neighbor, every neighbor, as we love ourselves.  The leadership at Exodus is excited about a new opportunity to love and serve people, as Christ would, and lead many into the Kingdom!