• Home
  • About Us
    • Mission & Doctrine
    • Exodus Policy Statements
    • Board of Directors
    • Regions
    • Exodus Members
    • Exodus In the News
  • Find Help
    • Help for People with Same-Sex Attractions
    • Help for Church Leaders
    • Help for Family and Friends
    • Find Help in Your State
    • Exodus Ministry Listings
    • Church Association Listings
    • Professional Counselors Info
      • Professional Counselor Listings
    • Phone Counselors
  • Exodus Events
    • Upcoming Events
    • Freedom Conference
    • Equipping Events
    • Regional Events
  • Resources
    • Speakers Bureau
    • Library
      • Church & Theology
      • Counseling Insights
      • Family & Friends
      • Society
    • Real Stories
    • Frequently Asked Questions
    • Newsletters
    • Podcasts
    • Covenant Eyes
    • Request Information
    • Other Helpful Organizations
    • Additional Languages
  • Press
    • Exodus Spokespersons
      • Biography of Alan Chambers
      • Biography of Jeff Buchanan
    • Media Mentions
    • Press Release
    • Fact Sheet
    • Audio, Video and Image Library
  • Church
    • Exodus Church Association
      • Letter to Pastors
      • Membership
      • Doctrinal Statement
      • ECA Qualifications
      • Association FAQs
      • Referral – What Can I Expect?
      • Online Resources
      • ECA Application Download
  • Support Exodus
    • Give Now
    • Friends of Exodus
    • Planned Giving
    • Giving Opportunities
    • Volunteer Opportunities
    • Partnering in Prayer with Exodus

Exodus International

Reaching the World in Grace & Truth

  • Contact Us
    • Contact FAQs
    • Prayer Requests
  • Exodus Student Ministries
    • About
    • Student Blog
    • Students
      • Frequently Asked Questions (Students)
      • Student Stories
      • Bullying & Tolerance
      • Friends
      • Starting the Journey
    • Student Workers
      • Frequently Asked Questions (Student Workers)
      • Programs
      • Resources for Student Workers
    • Parents
      • Frequently Asked Questions (Parents)
      • Parent Stories
      • Where to go for help
      • Resources for Parents
      • Public Schools
  • Blog
  • Exodus Books
  • Love Won Out
    • About Love Won Out
    • Sessions
    • Speakers
    • Agenda
    • Love Won Out Equipping Events
    • Location, Fees, & Dates
    • Cancellation Policy
    • Questions
    • Spread the Word
  • Register
  • RSS
  • Facebook
  • Twitter
  • YouTube
  • Vimeo
You are here: Home / Archives for Therapy

What’s in a Name? The Story of Brenna Kate Simonds – Part 2

November 12, 2010 by Brenna Kate Simonds

Yesterday, I shared the first half of my story.  This is the second half.

I had just become a Christian.  In one sense, I felt hope, but at the same time, the labels were still haunting me.  Even though at the time I could not voice what was going on, I continued to spiral out of control with my eating and relationships. I was so desperate for love that I entered into a relationship with an 18 year old woman with a drug problem (I was 24 at the time). After 3 months, this woman (having been raised in a Christian home) said to me, “Listen – the Bible says you must either be hot or cold – one or the other, but not both. You can’t be a Christian and be gay.” And with that, she ended our relationship.

I threw up my arms saying, “Fine, God! I don’t want to live like this. Please take this away from me.” In many ways, He did. My attraction to women greatly lessened, but the circumstances of my life that led me in the direction of lesbianism had not changed. I felt unsure, but desperate for God.

I didn’t know that support groups existed when I was struggling. I opened up to my Christian friends about my struggle and asked for accountability. The labels were still haunting me. I found a Christian counselor who helped me to deal with my same-sex attraction, as well as my eating disorder, depression and self-injury. Romans 12:2 (NLT) says, “Let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think.” The labels served as a constant reminder that I truly needed my entire thought life to be transformed. It wasn’t that I had moments of feeling worthless and unlovable; in the core of my being, I was sure it was true. My counselor helped me to recognize these faulty names I had allowed to attach to me and showed me how to make them line up with what God’s Word has to say about me (2 Corinthians 10:5).

My counselor also helped me to see that I had attached all sorts of labels and names to God, most of them not true or accurate: unreachable, unloving, distant, unconcerned with my life and struggles, nit-picky, only interested in my failures, punitive, impatient, and constantly angry.

So I wrestled with God. In all honesty, I suppose, it was more like I wrestled and He waited patiently for me to realize that He is who He says He is and He will do what He has said He will do. In the Gospel of John, chapter 6, Jesus gave the disciples a particularly difficult command. Rather than trusting Jesus, quite a few of the disciples decided to stop following Him. When Jesus asked the Twelve if they would leave too, Peter responded, “Master, to whom would we go? You have the words of real life, eternal life. We’ve already committed ourselves, confident that you are the Holy One of God.” That’s how I felt. In the midst of all the questions and doubts, I already knew that I had tasted and seen that the Lord is indeed good.

A few months after surrendering my sexuality to God, I met a man through the campus ministry we both attended. Roy & I continued to be friends for 5 months, at which time we began dating. It wasn’t always an easy relationship. The grip the names had on me was loosening – but it was very slow and painful.

When we first became friends, I was drawn to his strong faith, his free spirit and love for life. I can see that my lack of physical attraction to men in general was due in part to my fear of men and the lies my mother had instilled in me. As I learned more about Roy, as I grew to trust him, and as I recognized that he wouldn’t hurt me, my natural physical attraction was allowed to surface without fear.

Roy & I have been married for almost 8 years and have two beautiful sons. Marriage is not a cure for homosexuality, or even a guarantee of happiness, but simply another part of God’s healing process in my life. I thank God that I came to a point where in my heart of hearts, I felt I had no choice but to embrace Christ and all that He required of me. But what I got in return for my obedience and hard work is an amazing godly man who loves me, unconditionally, like no woman ever did.

I also have allowed God to give me new names. Rather than feeling unlovable at my core, I know that my Father calls me beloved, cherished, in fact – His favorite. Rather than being ashamed of who I am and who I was, God calls me precious, beautiful, redeemed – He has born my shame. He calls me worth knowing, worth loving and worth creating. I am mighty in Him, delightful, created in my Father’s image and strong when I am weak. And in those moments when I feel abandoned, I remember there is nowhere I can go to flee from God’s presence, and when I feel rejected, I know I will never have to feel the rejection that my Savior felt as He hung from that cross. And my mother was right: I have been rescued from hell – not only eternally, but today, God has given me abundant life and a true freedom I never thought possible.

Isaiah 62 says “For Zion’s sake I will not keep silent, for Jerusalem’s sake I will not remain quiet, till her vindication shines out like the dawn, her salvation like a blazing torch. Nations will see your vindication, all kings your glory; you will be called by a new name that the mouth of the LORD will bestow. will be a crown of splendor in the LORD’s hand, a royal diadem in the hand of your God. No longer will they call you Deserted, or name your land Desolate. But you will be called Hephzibah,your land Beulah; for the LORD will take delight in you, and your land will be married.”

What names have you allowed to speak death to you?  Do you feel stuck & helpless today as you try shed false labels?  If so, I want to point you toward a few resources. Visit the Exodus website to find out if there is a support group or counselor near you that can help you process these things.  Check and see if there is a Living Waters program available in your area.  You can contact Focus on the Family, as they have counselors on staff and are able to make counseling referrals for you.

If you are feeling hopeless, I just want to again point you to Romans 8:24 and this time, include verse 25:

Hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what they already have? But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently.

Today, I choose to embrace my new names, letting go of the labels I wore for so many years. They no longer fit, as God is making me a new creation. I choose to trust God in the process; He has yet to let me down.

Tagged with Abuse, Addiction, Bible, Biblical Sexuality, Brenna Kate Simonds, Change, Christians, Church, Ex-gay, Family, Fear, Friends, Friendship, God, Gospel, Grace, Homosexuality, Hope, Identity, Jesus, Lies, Pain, Relationship, Scriptures, Sexual Abuse, Sexuality, The Gospel, Therapy, Transparency, Trust

What’s in a Name? The Story of Brenna Kate Simonds – Part 1

November 11, 2010 by Brenna Kate Simonds

Baby Brenna with the sides of her head shaved

A Christian speaker recently reminded me that words are a container for power. The book of Proverbs says “reckless words pierce like a sword”, “the words of the wicked lie in wait for blood”, and “when words are many, sin is not absent”.  In the Bible, words & names are very important. Throughout my life, I allowed people and circumstances to label me, name me, and define who I am.

I was born prematurely in May of 1975. I was given a 50% chance of survival and rode in an ambulance to a hospital 50 miles away since the hospital where I was born did not have premie facilities. I was born without a name. My parents didn’t know if I would be male or female, and certainly weren’t expecting my arrival almost 2 months early. I spent the next two months, isolated in an incubator. During those years, premature babies were not touched or held. I was so sick that they ran out of places to stick needles, and had to have my head shaved for more needle ports. The names I picked up were: abandoned, rejected, unloved, shameful, worthy of pain – as good as dead.

My mother is an alcoholic and when she drank, she would recount those days, saying‚ “You were bought from hell.” What she was trying to express to me was the trauma of my birth and the extreme circumstances I was rescued out of. What I heard, from my already broken filter, was: inconvenient, bothersome, a burden.

As a child, I even remember being hyper-focused on the lyrics to the songs my parents listened to. I’d zero in on themes of abandonment, and I carried those feelings of fear and shame into adulthood. I heard: be on your guard, you will be rejected and alone.

During my youth, my family attended liberal churches, serving on various committees and singing in choirs. I always believed in God, but it had little effect on my daily life. My mother continued to drink, ranting at me about the evils of men, what a bad child I was, and continually favoring my sister. What I heard: I was not worth protecting, the castaway, again a burden.

I began experimenting sexually with girls at a young age. This continued until, as a high school freshman, I found myself in a physical relationship with my best friend. I also developed an eating disorder and a struggle with self-injury. About a week into my high school relationship, I secretly looked up “homosexuality” in a health book. The book said that if you had attractions for someone of the same gender, then you were gay. I remember thinking, “There it is, in black and white. I am a homosexual.” I already felt: unlovable, out of control, too much and now a dyke.

The summer after my high school graduation, I was asked if I was interested in going to church with someone I met in a coffee shop. The church was quick to tell me that homosexuality was a sin that would condemn me to hell. Every night I would cry myself to sleep, praying, “God, change me! Why did you make me gay if that means I have to go to hell? Is it true that You want me to be forever separated from You?” The church I was attending did not share the hope for change that the gospel offers to those struggling with same-sex attraction. Their stance was change first: then God will accept you. In my mind, I had asked God to change me, and He hadn’t. And so I embraced my lesbian identity, all the while the labels were being reinforced: rejected, abandoned, unheard, miniscule, unlovable – even by God.

After three and a half years together, my first girlfriend and I broke up. I then met an older married woman, dropped out of college and moved across the country to live with her and her husband. She and I had a mock wedding ceremony and from then on, she introduced me as her “wife.” I lived with this couple for close to two and a half years. During this time, I was repeatedly taken advantage of by a man in my life. The names kept coming: worthless, voiceless, ashamed, only good for one thing – sex.

My “wife” and I eventually decided it would best for me to continue my schooling, so I moved to Boston to attend a prestigious music school, the same school from which my “wife” had graduated. Though I was in an environment where my sexuality was affirmed, I was far from happy. My relationship with my “wife” continued to crumble until it ended 10 months after I moved. My eating disorder spiraled out of control. I was afraid & alone.

Christians seemed to pop into my life to share with and pray for me. They never took it upon themselves to point out my sinfulness or say that I should not be a lesbian. They just pointed me to Jesus. Like everyone else, I was a sinner in need of Jesus in my life. My sexual choices were only one of many indications of this need.

Things continued to worsen. I knew that I needed help with my eating disorder, or I was going to die, but I felt I had tried everything and nothing worked. A friend in recovery suggested I try to pray. I thought, “That’s the one thing I haven’t tried!”―so I started praying.

Around this time, a friend gave me a music CD by a passionate Christian artist. One night while listening, the words of a song gripped my heart. I felt all alone, and my heart was so hard. The voice sang of a friend who was always there, with every tear cried, a friend who would give everything for him. That friend was Jesus – the son of God, who died on the cross to take away my sin, my pain, the false labels and to declare my worth. In the midst of that song, I cried out to God saying, “I want what he has!” God, in His great mercy, met me on that day in January of 1999. I felt: hopeful.

But the names did not disappear. I felt doomed to carry the labels forever. I knew logically that Jesus called me by name for a reason: freedom. At that time, I chose to hold on to hope that He had more for me.

I know many will likely connect deeply with my testimony.  Likely as you read this post, your own names & labels have been flashing through your mind. I hope you return tomorrow to read the second part of my testimony and experience, as I did, the truth of Romans 8:24 says, “Hope that is seen is no hope at all.  Who hopes for what He already has?” In the meantime, feel free to check out the Exodus website for resources in your area.

Tagged with Abuse, Addiction, Bible, Biblical Sexuality, Brenna Kate Simonds, Change, Christians, Church, Ex-gay, Family, Fear, Friends, Friendship, God, Gospel, Grace, Homosexuality, Hope, Identity, Jesus, Lies, Pain, Relationship, Scriptures, Sexual Abuse, Sexuality, Therapy, Transparency, Trust

Big Foot, Nessie & Exodus International

October 7, 2009 by Julie Neils

NessieI’m always curious to see what people are saying about Exodus and as the PR person, I’m pretty sure there’s something in my job description about that too. I’ve heard some winners in the years I’ve spent working on and around this subject. Hmm . let’s see. According to some, Exodus believes in inhumane psychiatry that harkens back to the Dark Ages. Others say we peddle nonsensical, mind-altering remedies to unsuspecting prey that erases any and all attractions. Still others’ seem to think we hold mysterious camps with all the security measures of the FBI training facility in Quantico – just in case anyone would think of escaping. Of course, none of that is remotely true and all of it is wholly laughable, but it is amazing how hearsay begats rumors and rumors begat hard news. So, here’s the 411 on the top myths about Exodus International to set the record straight (no pun intended):

THE CURE . . . and I don’t mean the 80′s band:

If I had a dollar for every time I’ve heard the words, “Exodus International” and “religious group that claims to cure gays” in a sentence I’d be rich . . . and in Tahiti right now. Seriously, though, the Bible teaches that the only form of sexual expression God intended for His creation is between a man and woman married to one another. All else, heterosexual or homosexual, falls outside of His plan and constitutes as sin. That said, not many wake up one morning, down their coffee and decide to be gay. As complex human beings, sexual attractions develop for many known and unknown reasons and no one chooses those, but as sexual beings, we all make decisions about how to express ourselves. For those who consider the Bible to be life-giving truth, homosexual attractions and the desire to act on them are at odds with the desire to live a life that reflects the Christian faith and often results in moral tension. We know, though, that pursuing a relationship with God over these attractions, won’t always make the feelings go away. They may stay the same, lessen or possibly shift towards the opposite sex. That’s not the point. The point is to pursue a life beyond attractions, feelings and societal labels that is guided and defined by Jesus Christ and truth of Scripture. And for the record, living with conflicted desires is not the same as living a life dominated by them! So, to sum up, we don’t believe there is a “cure” for homosexuality, adultery, arrogance, gossip or any other sin. There is, however, Jesus who paid the price for it all when He died on the cross. Then there is the daily, sometimes moment-by-moment, decision to live a life congruent with His teaching.

AVERSION, I mean CONVERSION THERAPY:

“So, how does it work, conversion therapy, I mean?” is an all-too-common question most Exodus staffers are asked on a routine basis. Truthfully, most of us don’t know. Furthermore, most of us don’t know anyone who has actually undergone this type of therapy. It’s only used by a handful of professionals, but for some reason, folks seem to think that it’s the primary function of Exodus. It’s not. “Reparative or conversion therapy” is a counseling method used in addressing unwanted same-sex attraction to repair the damage of past relationships that may have contributed to its initial development. In general, we think every professional and their client ought to be able to determine the methods and options most helpful in accomplishing their joint goals, including this one, but it isn’t the sole approach used, nor is it essential. That’s because the decision to leave a gay identity behind isn’t necessarily about one method, one program, one counseling approach our even about becoming straight. It’s about pursuing a Christ-centered identity rooted in God’s definition of us as individuals.

U.S.S. PRAY THE GAY AWAY:

Prayer is certainly an important part of a Christian’s life, but it’s not a magic formula. If you find one let us know. J This mantra ignorantly dismisses the complicated issues that often underlie attractions and deeper still – identity. As I said before, we don’t think many, if any, wake up one morning, down their coffee and decide to be gay. Sexual attractions develop for many known and unknown reasons and no one chooses those. As complex individuals, we must also take into account the way others hurt us and the way we hurt ourselves. For many who contact Exodus, hurt has become a familiar, but unwelcome fixture in life. Talking to God about these things is part of a dynamic relationship with Him, but it doesn’t always change the fact that dealing with it is just plain hard work.

CAMP GAYBEGONE:

As for those mysterious gay-to-straight “boot camps,” they don’t exist. And neither do any other Exodus camps – mosquito infested or otherwise. We do have an annual conference and some local ones too – held at churches, conference centers and Christian college campuses -just like other Christian conferences, though I’ll freely admit that the content is eye-poppingly unlike most other Christian conferences. We aren’t interested in bludgeoning others with our big black Bibles or our views. Truth be told, we can barely keep up with the 300,000 calls and e-mails we get every year from those who do want our input.

Exodus International doesn’t exist to make gay people straight, promote a formula for “success,” to make money or even to pass legislation. We exist to help others live a life that reflects the Christian faith. We’ve found that the opposite of homosexuality is most certainly not heterosexuality. It is holiness. It is loving God and being loved by Him. It is accepting His identity for us, instead of everyone else’s. But those things don’t often make headlines and I suspect that, unfortunately, we’ll continue to see more crazy things out there churning around in the rumor mill.

Tagged with Gay Camp, God, Loch Ness Monster, Ministry, Myths, Prayer, Public Relations, The Cure, Therapy

Find Help

Find Help

Find an Exodus ministry, counselor, or church in your state.

Support Exodus

Subscribe to the Exodus Blog!

Enter your email address below.
CovenantEyes.com

Check Out These Resources!

Follow Us!

Follow Us on FacebookFollow Us on TwitterFollow Us on YouTubeFollow Us on VimeoFollow Us on RSS

Exodus Tweets

  • Soul Revolution http://t.co/XzZ6P3zo about 4 days ago
  • I posted a new photo to Facebook http://t.co/Mx0MT4Q9 about 7 days ago
  • No More Hiding - Real Stories for July 2012 http://t.co/W1YbYYrO about 7 days ago

Exodus E-Newsletter Sign-Up

Return to top of page

Copyright © 2012 · Exodus International · All Rights Reserved · PO Box 540119 · Orlando, FL 32854 · 888.264.0877